i blog when I’m angry

Have you ever noticed there are a lot of parents that would rather spend their time talking shit about other parents rather than focusing on their own kids?! Or maybe they focus on their kids a little TOO much? There is a not so fine line between being proud and being really damn obnoxious.

Seriously what is with all this bullshit parenting pressure that we have to tiptoe around topics and exude perfection? Who decided that!? I bet it was someone who doesn’t have kids.

Oh you know the type! Those non-breeders that give you the disapproving look when your kid is losing his/her shit in Target!

Or better yet that new parent who is watching you freak out over your older child doing something you SWORE they would never do and you feel that judgment being passed. They look at their sweet little newborn and think, “That will never happen to me.” well buddy, your time will come too because I said the same damn thing! We all did.

Anywho…

It is a tough job no matter if you work, stay at home, married, single, got five baby Momma’s, have a special needs child or have it all seemingly together. I think everyone could benefit from just accepting that parenting is hard and we all lose our shit. It is okay to not be a perfect parent!

I don’t care if your kid is smarter, in a better class, wears better clothes, is healthier, has a busier schedule, eats better or comes from a “good” family because my kid’s rock anyway. My kid’s will mess up. They are going to make mistakes. They are going to say the wrong thing. They sure as hell will embarrass me. They will fail at things. They are going to do things behind my back. But when it comes down to it I will be there for them no matter what. I will accept them on bad days as well as good. I will help them through those stumbles, falls and breaks and we will all learn from it together. I’ll be the rock, the softie, the hug, the acceptance, the boundaries, the unconditional love as well as the frustrated parent.

My children will never be perfect. I will never be a perfect Mom. Life would be boring if we pretended to be anything other than exactly who we are… and that is a perfectly flawed family full of love, laughter, screw ups and a hint of sarcasm.

Oh and my secret ingredient is wine. So raise your glass ladies and jelly-spoons. Cheers to sucking as a parent!


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Did that title get your attention?

Good. I’m probably going to piss off a lot of people with this but those that are constantly bullied, ridiculed, outcasted and shunned because of freaking food allergies need to have people to say, “I’m here for you.”

Today my 8 year old daughter had peanuts for the first time in her life. She has many life threatening allergies so every single one of these milestones is an amazing accomplishment. It means there is one less thing that can kill her within minutes.

One less thing to stress over.

One less hurdle.

One less fucking food to argue over.

One more step towards her having a “normal life”.

We had a long day with the food challenge and it’s a stressful process that takes hours. I’m thankful that her team is so amazing that they help me give her a life like any other kid. There is always that risk that I am putting my daughter at risk each time we do a food challenge… that is why it took me over a year to finally do it.

But, as soon as we got in the car to come home I hear parents on the radio bitching about having to accommodate for a child’s allergies.

Seriously!? WTF?!

To me it seems simple: If X can kill a kid then do not have that around said kid! I don’t care what that thing is… DEAD KID = VERY BAD!

Why is it that a protesting group of parents in Florida don’t get that? They don’t want their kids to be inconvenienced with accommodating a life threatening issue. They say its about rights. They say an entire school should not care about one child’s life threatening health issue. Home school her they say! They don’t want their kids to wash their hands often because they argue that it takes away from class time. However, they hypocritically want classroom parties that involve food to be a part of their child’s “normal classroom experience”.  Dirty hands are okay, lack of compassion is how we live, more junk food to contribute to child obesity is our right… this is what these parents are teaching their children? SWEET! I want to be friends with those jerks!

Basically these parents and their kids have gross hands or want them to have filthy fingers… I want to protest against kids with filth! SERIOUSLY! I don’t like kids touching my face with their grubby fingers! GERM FACTORIES! I want to picket and protest and demand that dirty hand children and SHUNNED from society because their filthy fingers damage my OCD Germaphobe core! They cause the plague! My child got the flu because of their lack of hygiene!

Or, they can learn basic hygiene and wash their damn hands!

In all seriousness its a thing of mine about touching my face. I don’t like dirty hands on my face and I don’t like gross feet. Ugh. Anyway…

When I asked my daughter what she thought about all that madness and if she could see everyone’s perspective she had these things to say:

“People can choose to be mean… I can’t choose my allergies. We should wash our hands anyway.”

“If they don’t want their kids to wash their hands then they can just change schools… is there a dirty hand school? I wonder how gross their hands would be if they didn’t have to wash them??”

“So if these kids don’t like any rule at school are their parents always going to protest against it? What about when they get jobs?”

“Mommy… is this an appropriate time for you to use inappropriate language? Because I will totally plug my ears for this one.”

And finally…

“Until today I never had peanuts. It’s not that hard to live without it. People just like to complain when they are bored.”


And finally the picture above is a picture of my daughter eating peanut butter on a cracker for the first time in her life. But, she said even though she fell in love with the taste of peanut butter she would stop eating it again if it made the girl in Florida feel like she had a friend.

I love my kid. She has food allergies and that is easy to accommodate. I have allergies to bigots and bullshit… not so easy to accommodate.

To those parents that would rather out cast a kid rather than teach compassion… see this blog post I wrote about Why I don’t Put up With People’s Bullshit when It Comes to My Kids Allergies and have a wonderful day.

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Dear weak sauce jackasses who stole kid’s toys from our front yard,

I don’t know why you felt the need to take our Step 2 car for our Up and Down roller coaster because as a standalone ride on car it kind of sucks now. It doesn’t roll much on its own and you will see duct tape on the bottom where a crack started to form. You tried to disassemble the 12 foot long coaster track but I’m assuming it was too heavy for your weak ass to lift.

You also weren’t quick enough to take the three beat up tricycles that you left in front of my truck in the driveway that I keep on the side of my house. But, thanks for moving them because I needed to sweep where they are stored anyway.

Oh and the three bubble machines you took from my porch? Well, those were the broken ones from last year. You left the brand new one sitting next to the cat food so thank you for your lack of observation. I’m over the fact that you took a brand new 5$ box of giant sidewalk chalk, the two new $2 bubble wands and my bag of foam brushes that were falling apart. You left the bottles of washable tempura paint though so we will just remain content with finger painting for now.

Have a wonderful day and I hope you get minutes and minutes of joy out of our beat up toys and broken bubble machines.

~The Mom who now has less to sell at her next Garage Sale

PS You suck at life and suck at stealing toys.

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Tips on Making The most out of visits to the doctor

I’ve dealt with a lot of bullshit from people since my daughter became what we affectionately called the allergy bubble baby at a month old. She was so sensitive I couldn’t risk cooking something in the house that she was allergic to. The slightest exposure caused her to be covered in hives. It sucked. It still sucks.

I do get that a lot of people can’t wrap their head around the fact that a small protein of food can kill someone. They probably don’t have anyone in their family that has allergies. They may associate indigestion with spicy foods to allergies. Or they may just simply love their food more than my kid’s safety. Either way I try really hard to be patient, provide alternatives and educate them… but sometimes people just don’t get it or don’t want to get it.

Anaphylactic shock is something you have to fight to prevent, modify your lifestyle to stay safe, but there is only so much in your control. Food is everywhere and the slightest mix up can make someone stop breathing and lose their life in minutes. To say that it is scary is an understatement. It fucking frightens the shit out of me in ways I cannot correctly convey, but I try so that others may get it.

Imagine a loved one has to walk on a small trail every day to get where he/she has to go. There is no alternate path. It is small, windy, dark and sometimes hard to stand on because the path is so uneven. Now, imagine that this path is in the center divider of a very busy highway. Cars are constantly zooming by. They get so close that they brush against your loved ones clothes, hair and skin. Sometimes too close and bruises are inflicted as they are jostled about. But, this is the path that they have to walk on. You can’t control the amount of traffic and you cannot change its course. You can only hope that your loved one can stay safely on the path… and you can only hope that one of those cars doesn’t wander off…

You do what you can to protect the one you love who is so vulnerable walking this unstable road every day. Make signs. Make noise. Detour the traffic as much as fucking possible. But, the dangers will still be there… and you can only hope to reduce the risk. You can only hope the drivers care enough to pay attention.

I’ve seen my child turn blue, swell up and stop breathing from one accidental bite. It was horrific. I don’t wish that feeling upon anyone. I never want to see that again. So, if I’m considered a bitch because I am going to put my foot down and not want your kid’s death cupcakes in my daughter’s classroom then oh well. I wouldn’t drop your kid into the middle of the highway so why do it to mine?

For those of you reading this that fight the same fight I do… keep your head up, don’t let someone guilt you for keeping your child safe and always advocate even if you end up with those judgmental looks.

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