hump day haiku

My Hump Day Haiku weekly write ups have been MIA over the summer but they will be back in full action now that life has calmed down a bit. My daughter has a laundry list of health issues and severe allergies. School was very difficult last year and this summer was all about reconnecting, figuring out what is going on with her body and having as many adventures as we could. Because of that I couldn’t predict what we were going to be up to or when she may have bad days.

I love writing Haiku. I love having twitter and Facebook haiku insult bashes with friends. Hump Day Haiku has become this thing I look forward to every week. I used to write a lot of poetry and Haiku was something I always toyed with… I love the traditional haiku in all it’s beauty… but I also like to think of myself as a wordsmith… molding something a little different and shiny. Yes, hilarious and shock value haiku is not even near what the original art form.  But, I sure as hell like it and I’m glad you all do as well.

I am launching Hump Day Haiku e-books. They will be available on Amazon Kindle and other e-book platforms next week. If you want to sign up for my newsletter I will be making announcement and offering free downloads in the future for these. They are priced very low and meant to be something funny to get you through the hump of the week and share a laugh.

Here are my Summer Hump Day Haiku! Enjoy, feel free to haiku comment or post a Hump Day Haiku and leave the link in the comments below!

About BlogHer:

Hungover. Tired.
Coffee, bacon, eggs… OH YEAH!
WTF!? Oatmeal!?
 

Who needs a man when
You have a wingbitch for life?!
Single Mom Date Night.
 

Lots of fun and food
Partied til my eyes fell out
Really need to poop
 

First BlogHer conference.
Learn, laugh, network, booty dance.
Feeling inspired.
 

Camping:
 

Arrive at 3am.
Tempting Creek by the campsite…
Glow in the dark jigs.
 

Big lovely redwoods.
So large and dreamy. Serene.
Need a man like that.
 

Summertime:
 

Great friends: drinks, laughs, pool.
These friends don’t require lube.
All our livers ache.
 

Sleeping in fort tents.
Pee snuggles. Breakfast at noon.
Summer shouldn‘t end.
 

Aquarium day.
My son liked the octopus.
Those aren’t penises!!!!
 

 
If you want to get my Newsletter delivered via Ninjas and get special updates, promotions and downloads please sign up!


{ 0 comments }

This week’s Hump Day Haiku is arriving a little late… why? Because we have been sick! Again. I thought it was Tuesday. Damn.

I entered the Secret Style Suit giveaway this week. They are giving away Style Sessions at BlogHer 2011 for 12 lucky winners. I’ve been following that giveaway for a couple weeks. At first I was going to create a funny post based around the idea that if they didn’t give me a style session I was going to wear something horrible, follow them around and say I was with them.

I decided I didn’t want a restraining order before my first Blog Conference!

The second Blog Conference on the other hand…

Anyway I ended up writing about how I have no fashion sense… and where that comes from. Here is the secret: I actually like following fashion trends I was just extremely jaded by Girl Wars when I was a kid. I will browse catalogs, etsy shops and websites dedicated to fashion. I love sewing because I love creating clothes, costumes and couture. It’s just fun. But, I also like being comfortable and while I would love to wear an amazing dress created by Gibbous Fashion but I would look like a complete jackass wearing it to a PTA meeting or shopping at Trader Joes.

However since I don’t care if I look like a jackass or not I would probably wear it anyway if I acquired one and if someone laughed at me I would threaten them with bodily harm!!!!

Which would again land me with a restraining order (sigh)

For some reason I was rambling about g-strings on Twitter this week. I was talking about how g-strings are basically ass floss and I don’t need my underwear to be in places I didn’t know I had places! That is where I came up with the new word for G-strings: Flass… its floss for your ass!

I know there is something wrong with me.

So here is this week’s Hump Day Haiku dedicated to Fashion… or lack thereof and flossin yo ass!

 

Sometimes I dress up
You Actually Look Nice!
My friends always say.

Tank Tops. Converse Shoes.
Band Shirts. Comfy pants. Make up??
Yeah, I can’t get dates.

Underwear lines are
fine when compared to g-strings.
Flass: Floss for your ass!

Wedgies I pick all
damn day. I can’t wear g-strings.
My butt will eat them.

If you like want to participate in Hump Day Haiku then please do! You can comment below with a haiku or blog it and link back to me! Feel free to grab my Hump Day Haiku button on my button page.

{ 5 comments }

The past week has been a busy one. I’m becoming mildly obsessed with iMovie and photo editing… mostly to mock my family.

That makes me the best person ever!

I used to photoshop pictures of my brother’s face into ridiculous pictures and post them all over the internet. I would tag him in them and of course he would remove those tags. Jerk. I would make them my main profile picture on Facebook and add all his friends instead. Everyone loved it. Speaking of which I haven’t done that in awhile!

I’m the best sister ever.

I decided to make it fair and Photoshop myself into it. Makes me think back to my early teen years. I pretty much looked just like that minus the bulge!

My family is full of a bunch of big kids who like to laugh. We have family parties and have epic nerf battles. We have wii parties. I’m very lucky. So last week I put up this video of my Dad playing Just Dance on the Wii.

I’m also the best daughter ever.

This weeks Humpday Haiku is all about… well, whatever the hell you want it to be about! Please join in, you can grab my Humpday Haiku button on my button page, drop me a link in the comments or comment haiku below!

Let’s do this.

On Family Love

I’m a great sister
I make my bro so happy!
Ha! That was all lies.

Picking on your sis
when you are kids is not good.
Internet payback

On Puking Sick Kids

Oh sweet son of mine
You puked all over Mommy
Then said “I love you”

Kids are germ magnets
Gnarly. Gross. Pukey. Boogers.
Lucky I love them

Yes, children are gifts.
They also damage my calm.
No gift receipt. Right?

 

So the lesson learned this week is simple. Don’t tease your little sister or one day she may have a blog with followers and she will continue to mock you all because you cheated at the game Alligator when we were kids.

{ 11 comments }

Hump Day Haiku Link Up Party!

by Leila on April 5, 2011

Hump Day Haiku started out as a way for my friends and I to insult each other on Facebook in a unique way… because we are geeks who like to make fun of the ones we love. Now, I want to start a new trend in the blogging world that can be a lot of fun, ridiculous or insightful!

What is a Haiku? It’s a Japanese poem with three lines (5 syllables, 7 syllables, 5 syllables) and is traditionally about nature. However, my Hump Day Haiku can also be called Haiku that Hurt! Or Hilarious Haiku… or err.. at least I think they are funny!

Every week I will pick a new Haiku topic. You can join in with my topic or haiku what inspires you!

This weeks topic is: Mom Wars or Sick Kids or Things that make me angry!

What to do:

  • Snag my Hump Day Haiku button on the sidebar
  • Post your own Hump Day Haiku to your blog!
  • Link your Hump Day Haiku here
  • Visit other blog links, comment and share the love!
  • Or feel free to just comment a Haiku!

My Haiku:

Mommyhood is hard
It shouldn’t be easy! Why?
I’m not on something!

I find that a lot of people strive for perfection in parenting. I ranted about that very topic last week because so many people want to think others are bad parents but they are perfect… psssshhh. If someone thinks being a perfect parent is easy then I think they are on something!

{ 1 comment }

Hump Day Haiku: All About The Kids

by Leila on March 31, 2011

This week’s addition of Hump Day Haiku is all about my kids!

How I love my son!
He is funny sweet and kind
Even when he farts.

My son has a way about him… he is very charming and sweet. He is also a comedian… like when he will snuggle with me just to fart on me and then tell me how much he loves me.

I think it’s funny
I have a boyfriend. You don’t.
My girl said to me.

Yeah… so being a single Mom isn’t easy especially when your 3rd grade daughter likes to mock you that she has a boyfriend and you don’t. I told her I will ground her for life… her response was “Yeah thats okay but I will still have a boyfriend.” haha I raised a mini me! Awesome!

Birthday gone again.
The years just fly by so fast.
I miss my babies.

My daughters birthday passed… it is bittersweet. I love the amazing lady she is becoming but I miss the days of her being a chubby monkey in my arms.

Why do boys obsess?
Not just like. They are crazy!
My son loves his junk.

My son is so obsessed with his penis I thought it was only appropriate that I write a haiku about it.

{ 0 comments }

Hump Day Haiku: Japan and Peanuts

by Leila on March 24, 2011

We are doing a fundraiser for Japan relief where we are selling Origami. It’s been really positive and I’m super excited about raising awareness, giving a bit of culture to our school and raising some funds. In addition to that my daughter decided that she would rather have donations for Japan relief than gifts.

Japan needs support.
Donations. No birthday gifts…
My daughter requests

Trista makes cranes for
Us to sell. Japan Relief.
She’s just O C D

I’m totally poking fun at the ridiculous media storm that was created by a group of parents protesting that a girl be home schooled because of her peanut allergies. They didn’t bother talking to the school about the modifications or give anyone a chance to squash some of the ridiculous rumors… like with most mob mentality maniacs they just made assumptions, got each other riled up, made a big protesting stink and ultimately were like “Oh… my bad! All a big misunderstanding… sorry… everyone.. on the internet!” Ha! I love stuff like that!

Child with allergies
Makes my kid have to wash hands
What is the problem?

Child with dirty hands
Has the right to be filthy
Because I’m a turd.

I’m here with a sign
Because my kids wash their hands
I don’t have a clue.

Oops! My Peanut Bad!
Protested without a clue!
I’m a big douche bag!

So that is why you do your research before you raise a ruckus and make a jackass out of yourself. Why? Because there is someone out there… like me… that might just have to poke fun at you in a haiku.

Want to poke fun or inspire Japan relief?! Add your Hump Day Haiku too!

{ 2 comments }

This idea came from a good friend of mine Trista (Obachan’s Flowers) and I messing around on facebook with insulting Haiku. We have way too much fun bantering back and forth and jabbing at each other’s shortcomings. I of course have none! I thought that we really need to make Haiku a regular thing! I’ve always had a love for poetry and especially Haiku since I was a young child. Now, the added twist of making them either funny, insulting or sarcastic just makes them all the more appealing. I encourage you all to participate! Make Humpday Haiku a part of your blog and/or leave a comment of yours!

Now, what is a Haiku exactly?

It is a poem consisting of 17 moras in three phrases of 5, 7, 5. They are usually explained as having 17 syllables but that isn’t exactly accurate. In the states we usually write them in three lines while traditionally they were written in one vertical line that took the shape of the subject matter… usually nature!

So here are my Hump Day Haiku for this week!

Parents are perfect
That is what “they” all expect
But “they” have no kids

People bitch too much!
This bitch doesn’t speak Whinese!
Use your normal voice!

Trista no likey
my haiku format. Funny.
She bok like big bird.

Bok bok chicken legs
Oh so tasty on my plate.
Not on naked man.

{ 2 comments }