funny things kids say

WTF Did You Say?! About uneven body parts…

by Leila on November 28, 2012

My 5 year old son came up to me with a very concerned look on his face and said, “Mommy… one of my buttcheeks is bigger than the other.”

I asked how he knew this.

He said he saw it in his shadow.

I tried to explain depth perception and he argued that I was wrong. He ran into the bathroom, pulled down his pants and bent over in front of the mirror. He came back and whispered…

“Okay Mommy. You were right about my butt cheeks. It WAS the shadow and they are even in the mirror. But, my testicles are TOTALLY uneven in the mirror!”

He zoomed away so fast he didn’t even hear me laugh.

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When you can’t walk around much you realize how quickly your children will turn on you.

Yes, my kids are sweet and wonderful helpers. They usually don’t give me much grief and I am thankful for that.

However, they can be typical humans who try to get away with whatever they can. Especially when it comes to cleaning. This is always a battle.

If they take something out they should have to put it back. I don’t think it’s too much to ask. I’m not a freaking maid! They knew I had to stay off my foot as much as possible so I was leaving a lot up to them. Well, they didn’t clean the playroom, told me they did and thought they would get away with it.

It looked like Toys R Us exploded in the room. Which is typically how a playroom should look but it was worse than usual. It was like twenty children who drank nothing but coffee and ate a mountain of sugar had gone crazy in there.

I asked the kids to stop getting ready for bed. Asked them to drag pillows in to the playroom and I laid on the floor, propped my foot up with pillows and ice packs and told them to get to work.

You would have thought I was torturing them with unnatural sounds coming from them. The tears were over the top. A few minutes ago they were arguing that they weren’t tired and now suddenly they were exhausted. My ten year old daughter even laid on the floor dramatically like she was falling asleep.

They both started to flat out ignore me. This set me off.

I raised my scary Mommy voice a bit and gave them the crazy eye, “Pick. Up. NOW!”

My five year old son yelled, “I’m not afraid of you, WOMAN!”

(insert dropped jaws and blank blinking expressions)

I have never seen that boy so quick to tell me he loves me, call me pretty, say I am the scariest person ever and run like hell.

My daughter and I were so shocked we just laughed. After my son realized I wasn’t going to do… whatever he assumed I would after that outburst he came back, apologized and we spent the rest of the time laughing and picking up. Saying “I’m not scared of you, woman!” is said a lot now because it IS funny.

Yes, the kids not cleaning up makes me angry. The fact they try to pull dishonest acts like these seems like a slap in the face. But, they are kids. We all make mistakes, push limits and it’s a choice to stay angry or move past it. Staying angry isn’t fun for anyone and resentment will just grow.

Live, laugh and ninja kick… the room ended up cleaner than it’s been in weeks, we had fun and my son assured me many times that I am very scary. It all worked out.

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My son is four years old and asks the most random of questions. He also obsesses over numbers and spelling as of late. Earlier he was working on a Christmas Card for me and he asked “Mommy how do you spell… “Mommy, I love you so much. You are pretty. You are the best.”

I asked him if he really wanted me to spell it all out. He insisted. As I started to he put his hands up and said,

“WHOA! Wait a minute! That is WAY too FREAKING long!”

… my jaw dropped at freaking.

He then added…

” You get a heart instead… maybe two. Maybe.”

 

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WTF Did You Say!? Highfiving the Booty

by Leila on October 17, 2011

I was picking up toys when my 4 year old walked up behind me and smacked my butt really hard! I told him it was not okay to smack my booty and he said…

 

“Mommy, I wasn’t smacking your booty. I was highfiving the booty!! It is doing a GREAT job!”

 

I need a drink.

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WTF Did You Say: On Hotdogs and Weenies

by Leila on September 22, 2011

This happened this morning. I wasn’t completely awake… but I know what I heard my son say…

“Auntie Marquie calls hotdogs weenies! My friends call their penises weenies… Can we call a hotdog a penis? Wait… ARE HOTDOGS REALLY PENISES!? They look like it!!!”

Before I could recover, process that or even say anything he added…

“Penis Hotdogs are reeeeaaaally TASTY!”

I shouldn’t have laughed. I’m so doomed. I’m so glad he isn’t going to preschool today so I can give him a day to get this out of his system.

 

We will be eating chicken today.

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WTF Did You Say!? – On Fishing and Baiting

by Leila on September 14, 2011

My son was pretending to fish, while laying in bed. While he was putting imaginary bait his pretend hook he said:

“Oh yeah fishies! I’m the master-baiter!”

 

Of course when he heard me burst out laughing in the other room he started asking me, “What is funny Mommy? Why is master-baiter and fishing funny?” I’m screwed. I need to learn self control.

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