What if Someone Wished Harm or Possible Death on Your Special Needs Child?

by Leila on September 27, 2011

As bloggers we put a lot out there that can make us vulnerable to flaming, harassment, trolling and otherwise douchebaggery.

A lot of people don’t know that my daughter has Special Needs because it isn’t something I constantly talk about. It is something that empowers us and I don’t allow it to hold us back from having a full life. We truly don’t speak whinese about any obstacles in our way… we simply ninja kick them down, have some laughs and become stronger people.

Earlier this year I wrote a blog post titled purposely aggressive: Why I Don’t Put Up with People’s Bullshit When it Comes to my Kid’s Food Allergies.

The post was meant to be an analogy on what anaphylaxis is… most people don’t get food allergies. I say that very clearly. I will educate, advocate and do everything within my means to keep my daughter safe. I’ve baked hundreds of cupcakes for classroom parties and playdates. I’ve provided classroom snacks, out of my own pocket, so there is no stress on the teacher. Food related projects? No big deal… I will find an alternative and purchase it. Hell, I even volunteer in the classroom.

I do all of this because I know how to manage my daughter’s allergies and keep her out of harms way. I know that I can’t expect anyone else to do this the way that I do. I have a system and process that is very successful and that inspires other families who are in our shoes. I’ve blogged about tips on allergies and birthday parties… as well as how to dine out with kid’s with food allergies. Yes, I’ve made an angry blog about parents who are lacking compassion because there are a lot of people who feel my child should be home schooled so her dietary restrictions don’t burden anyone.

A really rude and obviously angry blogger took it upon herself to leave this nasty comment on my blog.

Ani September 26, 2011 at 5:08 pm

I don’t think that it’s reasonable to expect everyone else to adjust their lives because your daughter has allergies. To say that cupcakes shouldn’t be allowed in the classroom because she is allergic is ridiculous. Why not just tell her not to eat them? If her allergies are so severe that simply being in the same room as a cupcake could kill her (???) why just not keep her home? What if a kid had a cupcake for breakfast and then breathes on her? Should they be banned from having cupcakes at home too? I have a niece w/severe peanut allergies and instead of insisting that everyone else works around her needs my sister just keeps her home in an allergen free environment. Or maybe your daughter’s allergies aren’t that severe? I just don’t get what you’re asking people to do here…

At first I laughed. I thought… okay she obviously didn’t read what this post was about or has some serious cupcake obsession. So, even though my daughter has manageable food allergies she should be home schooled so this bitch can bring cupcakes into the classroom? It is actually a School policy to have no classroom parties. Would she fight the school on this? What IS the big deal? It is a control issue and she obviously has a chip on her shoulder over whatever transpired at her son’s previous school. That doesn’t make it MY issue though.

It is sad that her niece has such a severe peanut allergy because it is very hard to manage. Those deathly peanut proteins can travel airborne at great distances. I am thankful that my daughters peanut allergy was always mild and we have to worry about foods that simple hand washing/wipes and strict avoidance keeps her relatively safe. But, the accusation that I am making up the severity of my daughter’s allergies is really pathetic.

She then followed up with:

Ani September 27, 2011 at 5:02 am [edit]

Sorry that you feel my comment was insensitive, but your demands are impractical. My autistic son only eats peanut butter & we had to pull him out of a private school because it was banned, should that happen in public schools too? As I stated before I have a niece with a TRULY severe peanut allergy and because my sister loves her and doesn’t want her to die a horrible painful death she is kept at home rather than try to police what others consume/keep on their person. Yes, you have a special needs child and that’s hard (I have one too) but parents like you who expect others to do the work for you make all of us look like entitled bitches! Btw, do you think kids leave the classroom every time they have a snack? Hopefully one of her classmates brings a cupcake one day so that you can learn a lesson about being so careless with your daughter’s life! Or, maybe instead of being a demanding bitch you could ASK the other parents to voluntarily help you out, because that’s what they’re doing HELPING YOU OUT and generally, when asking for help, please & thank you can go a long way.

So, because I advocate, pay for and provide food alternatives and don’t put up with Moms like this that makes me not care about my daughter? How about, she deserves a life full of everything she is physically capable of. Strength is in fighting, making the most out of life, being happy… not hiding. We do homeschool at times when she is too sick to attend. Her classmates, teachers and school staff miss her when she is gone. We have boxes of get well soon cards from all the times of her extended absences. Funny, none of the kids or families that have to deal with these restrictions have ever been thankful she isn’t there. I’m so glad they aren’t assholes. I love you guys!

Entitled: past participle, past tense of en·ti·tle (Verb)

  1. Give (someone) a legal right or a just claim to receive or do something.

Yes, I am entitled actually. My daughter has a legal right to attend public school and not be discriminated against. I also wear my bitch badge loud and proud because I will not back down from bullies like this woman and I will stand by those who are in our shoes that need someone on their side.

The part that gets me the most? Her wishing harm on my daughter. Seriously? Anyone who would wish harm on any child obviously has some kind of issues. Wishing that someone would bring a cupcake to put my kid in harms way is just beyond fucked up. Oddly enough… Her son has Autism and she was tweeting her frustrations about how classmates treat him differently. How she is frustrated with the lack of considerations for him. That it makes her sad that what she felt were quirks were signs of him having autism. Yet, she can in the same day turn around and wish death on my kid? It is pathetic. Intolerance sucks all around… why continue the cycle if you know how that makes your child feel? Even though this chick is obviously attacking me I wouldn’t wish that kind of pain and isolation on any child. My friend’s who have kids with autism have a piece of my heart. I know the struggles one of my best friends face with her daughter who has mosaic downs. I would NEVER wish for any child to have anything harder than they already have it.

But, she is going to wish harm or possible death on my kid? Because I pissed her off for calling her out on MY blog? Because I made valid points to her accusations and she had to fling mud at me when her debate was being lost?

I really never would wish anything harmful on any child… I’d wish it on this Mom… because I’m not that great of a person and she kind of sucks at life in my book. I’m also a mama bear Ninja… and I will not allow anyone to bully, harass or threaten her.

Some people just don’t care about others… and that is exactly why I made this blog. That is why I write about these controversial topics. I know other readers who are in my shoes or my daughters take comfort seeing the lengths I go to and the shit I will not put up with. For them I write. For this chick? She can eat me where I shit.

I blog to inspire. I blog to motivate. I blog to make you all laugh and see that no matter how fucking hard life can get you can live, laugh and ninja kick. Yes, I will also stir the pot and make people do some soul searching. I share moments like the ones below where my daughter had the most amazing upbeat personality after 10 hours of labs, testing and appointments at UCLA Med… because people love to see our inspiring attitude.

I also blog to be a part of an amazing community of great people. The Special Needs mini conference at BlogHer was by far my favorite session… because we all have more in common. Because I was with my people who understand that this shit is hard but every child is still a child all the same. Check out what Julia Roberts (no, not that one) is doing at Support For Special Needs.

I also want to thank Ani for proving exactly why I write about people like her. Because those of us on the receiving end of that judgment, hate and ridicule need to stand up to these haters. These are the people that my kids and I deal with.

And I’ll say again in the legal rights of my child and in her public school you think she shouldn’t attend…

Her Legal Rights > Your Death Cupcakes

We. Win.

Have fun trolling my comments, trying to make yourself feel better while trying to discredit me or make me out to be a horrible Mom and otherwise proving how much you suck at life. I’ll be laughing at you over drinks with my friends.

About Leila DontSpeakWhinese

Leila, aka The Ninja, is the advocate for all things not whining. Parenting is fun when everyone stops b*tching! She is the Mom of a big blended family of five awesome kids. They ninja kick through life together. Oh and she is a total jackass.

{ 60 comments… read them below or add one }

Dorothy September 27, 2011 at 12:00 pm

Wow! Just wow!

I’ve seen reactions like this before, but it never makes it any less horrifying.

Thank you for sharing your experience. I find so many people really don’t understand food allergies or have these ridiculous notions about them.

Here’s hoping that, by sharing your experience (both with food allergies and with the horrifying responses some people have), more people will truly understand.
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Leila September 27, 2011 at 3:39 pm

Thank you so much for your response and support. My hope is that by sharing what we go through, how we accomplish it and my drive to give my kids a “nothing can hold us back” life that others may be inspired… or become empathetic. Understanding, laughter and community is all I can hope to accomplish through this!
Leila recently posted..Starlight Children’s Foundation: Harry Potter, Bowling and John StamosMy Profile


Lisa Marie Mary September 27, 2011 at 12:15 pm

Girl, I stopped reading at the threat, cuz I just GOT. SICK. Whoa. Big hugs to you and the sweetykins and MAD PROPZ to you!!! You ROCK for your kick ass, ninja advocating for your girl!
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Leila September 27, 2011 at 3:40 pm

The first time I read her reply I honestly didn’t catch the threat. I overlooked it. I was half asleep, pre coffee and was recovering from some sexytime dreams. When I processed it… well, I kind of get riled up 😉 Thank you Lisa for the propz!
Leila recently posted..What if Someone Wished Harm or Possible Death on Your Special Needs Child?My Profile


Jaimie September 27, 2011 at 12:21 pm

Well written post. I”m so confused about her reaction too (granted i didn’t read the original post/comments sequence) but you state for the record that you provide the whole class with cupcakes that she can share – etc… that to me says you are going out of your way to make your daughter’s life as “normal” as possible, while not making it seem as if she needs special treatment and including her whole class. That’s above and beyond in my book. Me thinks the lady doth protest too much and maybe she’s taking out her own frustrations on you…


Leila September 27, 2011 at 3:43 pm

Thank you Jaimie… I see everything I do as me just doing what any Mom would do to give their kids that “normal” life. If it wasn’t for her then I wouldn’t have become a Troop Leader of her Girl Scout Troop, been involved with community service, started this blog, volunteer for the School or do anything I do… but I am inspired by her and determined to do what I can and help others along the way.
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Danielle September 27, 2011 at 12:22 pm

I applaud you in SO many ways. 1. You spoke up. You called this woman out. 2. You do what needs to be done for your child NO MATTER WHAT! You DON’T just sit around and have everyone else do things for you! 3. You are teaching your daughter VALUABLE lessons in not giving up, fighting for what’s right and being able to over come any and ALL obstacles! I have some experience with women who think they can just bash everyone to make themselves feel better, and their time is coming to be called out. YOU my dear are MY hero!!
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Leila September 27, 2011 at 3:45 pm

Thank you so much Danielle! I really appreciate it. Now I just hope I can instill all these strengths in my daughter so she can handle these situations the same way I do!

I’m a strong opinionated woman… I’ve always been the type to stand up for what I believe in… but I am no bully. I can’t stand bullies.
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Bethany September 27, 2011 at 1:21 pm

Is she seriously arguing that her kid’s right(?) to eating cupcakes in class is somehow greater than your kid’s right to be safe in a public school? Unbelievable.


Leila September 27, 2011 at 3:46 pm

Yes. That is exactly it, Bethany. I think life vs cupcake is really self explanatory but apparently not so much for her.
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Liz Gossom September 27, 2011 at 1:45 pm

My stepdaughter has Type I diabetes, and early on in her diagnosis one of her teachers brought cupcakes for the class. For everyone but Kelsey. No notice in advance so she could bring her own snack, just told Kelsey she wasn’t allowed to have the snack and would have to wait for the next activity to begin.

For this parent to suggest why can’t your daughter just not eat one – that is flat out mean.


Leila September 27, 2011 at 3:49 pm

Ugh. I am so sorry. When my daughter was in prek there was a girl who had diabetes as well and we found a balance. I mean seriously we don’t want kids to have THAT much junk food all the time anyway!

When my daughter was in kinder there was a party early on that she couldn’t have anything. She sat quietly and tried not to cry. I was never notified. A few of her friends gave their cookies to the teacher and sat next to her. They are all very close now four years later.
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Mimzy Wimzy September 27, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Total kickassery! You rock Momma!!!!! Never fear, the Ninja’s and Wookiee’s will get her!
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Leila September 27, 2011 at 3:49 pm

MWAH!!! I did it all for my wookiees!!! Thanks, dollface 🙂
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Russell @ No Longer Quiet September 27, 2011 at 1:57 pm


So I have a daughter in first grade and a daughter in preschool. Both classes have a child with an allergy. Both schools do amazing jobs at keeping these areas safe for these kids.

I think these situations are great times to your kids to be aware of their surroundings and to always care about the people around them.

This women is a bitch and I would imagine that she is raising children that despite their special needs will look down at other kids for being different.


Leila September 27, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Thank you so much Russell. I like to look at each situation as a learning lesson. In our extended group of friends my kids have friends who have a long list of various special needs. It is amazing to see these kids grow together, learn to be thoughtful and considerate and look beyond themselves.

Some people never learn that. I’m glad my kids are.
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jacqui September 27, 2011 at 3:43 pm

Unbelievable! All of that venom over school snacks? Seriously?

Your daughter has every right to be at school AND to be safe while she’s there. As does every other child. I don’t know why anyone would even argue with that…never mind wish life-threatening harm on an innocent child.

Simply unbelievable.
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Leila October 3, 2011 at 10:24 am

Thank you Jacqui!

The hostility and as you said venom over school snacks is really kind of batshit crazy. I think there are bigger things to get worked up over.
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Jule Dragstrem September 27, 2011 at 5:01 pm

I am amazed that someone could be that callous over another person’s feelings. My oldest and youngest are both special needs so I know the difficulties you are facing. That said, I have also been on the other side of this problem. We had a mother at my son’s school that asked for all peanuts to be removed from the school. Now, I am a former x-ray tech and know all about allergies. I didn’t think much about it at first, until the woman began complaining regularly. Finally, I asked about this severe allergy. She said, “Oh, I’m not even sure Bree is allergic to peanuts, but she felt funny after eating them once.” All of this for what? That still does not justify the nasty tone used here!!!


Leila October 3, 2011 at 10:26 am

That is so typical Jule!! So many people assume that all peanut allergies are severe or are the only ones that can be fatal. It is all misinformation and preconceived notions. It is those assumptions on both ends of the overly paranoid misinformed parent or those that are annoyed dealing with people in that mindset that make our lives more challenging!
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Coffee Lovin' Mom September 27, 2011 at 8:24 pm

Leila, the good thing in this is that you have made it – you know getting haters is the true sign of a great blogger. I am glad you stood your ground and saw what was really going on rather than feed into her obvious attempt to break you. I can’t believe someone would wish harm on anyone – and that you were able to keep your head…good job sweetie!
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Leila October 3, 2011 at 10:29 am

“Gossip makes me famous” Thanks hon.. I appreciate it. The world is funny in the fact that the more “popular” someone becomes or is perceived then the more judgment and hate will be flung.

I’d rather the sign of being a great blogger be when I publicly blogged about my daughter clogging the toilet and me ending up butt naked covered in poo water to fix it.
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Kristin Shaw September 27, 2011 at 9:00 pm

Way to go, Mama Bear!! My son is allergic to eggs and I’m allergic to all nuts, so we totally get it. I bring egg-free stuff into his playgroup all the time (he’s 2) but I can’t police it all. Thank God he doesn’t have an airborne peanut allergy; I am completely sympathetic to parents who have to deal with idiots like Ani. Have you read Don’t Kill the Birthday Girl: Tales from an Allergic Life yet? You’ll get a kick out of it, but also disgusted by the people who act like you’re making it up or “it’s all in your head”. Ugh.
Keep up the good Mama-ing!



Leila October 3, 2011 at 10:30 am

Thanks Kristin! A friend of mine just sent me Don’t Kill the Birthday Girl!!! I’ve sat on the idea of writing a book on stories of our lives so I am really looking forward to this read 🙂
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Kate September 27, 2011 at 9:20 pm

How dare she! I mean how dare she? My son has allergies too, not deathly but enough to cause major chaos. Should he live in a bubble? He can’t have friends? Or could I just go the extra mule and make some freakin cupcakes that he could eat? Who does that hurt?
Ani: maybe your life isn’t going how you planned but being in this world is ALL about the people. Buy some sunflower seed butter, it’s not a big deal. I wish you happiness, you must need it, cause a happy person would never wish something like that on a child.
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Leila October 3, 2011 at 10:32 am

Kate.. you are like… my favorite person right now. This response was brilliant… There are so many reasons why we would get along so well! Thank you 🙂
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Peta September 28, 2011 at 1:28 am

I am with you better to bring food for the kids and raise your child as a normal human being not some poor isolated child in a bubble. My aspergers son is allergic to soy,dairy, nuts, eggs, and more. We just made sure he had his own food at school and his friends allowed for his dietary needs….BECAUSE THEY CARED. Oh and for the egg allergy people lots of vaccinations are egg based. So watch out for that.
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Leila October 3, 2011 at 10:34 am

Thank you Peta! I’m sorry to hear you are dealing with food allergies as well. Soy was difficult for us because it is in everything! I’m thankful that my daughter is now able to have it now but it always pulls at my lil heartstrings when someone has a soy allergen!
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Julia Roberts September 28, 2011 at 4:58 am

Sing it Momma!

Thanks for the shout out for Support for Special Needs. So sweet!


Leila October 3, 2011 at 10:35 am

Thanks Julia and thank you… I have much love and respect for you and everything you do!
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The Maven September 28, 2011 at 11:22 am


My jaw dropped several times.

You know I have your back.
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Leila October 3, 2011 at 10:35 am

Thanks woman 🙂 We may need to call on our ranger power in the future!
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Julie September 28, 2011 at 1:30 pm

Gimme my fucking cupcakes! The constitution guarantees my snack rights!

Right? Wtf, Ani?

You are showing remarkable restraint, Leila. I would have tracked this woman down and stabbed her in the junk with epi pens.

Ok, so I wouldn’t have done that, because it would be assault. But still.


Leila October 3, 2011 at 10:37 am

I’m easily riled up and angered… but, I’ve learned a serious amount of restraint since my daughter was born. There are a lot of selfish assholes in the world and I’ve dealt with every type of them.

It takes two idiots to argue… I prefer to let one idiot yell while I sit back, point and laugh.
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XLMIC September 28, 2011 at 2:28 pm

Cupcakes at school are so controversial. Not being flip here. My peanut-butter-eating son was in a class with a child with severe allergies for 3 years. We just stopped eating peanut butter and using peanut products (among other things)… I absolutely didn’t want to be responsible for anything bad happening to the child. I was a room parent in those classes and I would have so appreciated working with an “entitled” parent like you 🙂 You are so proactive and helpful. This child’s parents practically stonewalled efforts to help find safe, nutritious things for the class to use. I love how active you are… I know it must get hard, but like you said, most people don’t know or won’t do for you kid like you will. Keep on doing what you do. To heck with the haters.
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Leila October 3, 2011 at 10:39 am

Seriously, they are controversial. Out of all the things that people choose to get heated over I’ve seen so many arguments come up over cupcakes and snacks in general in the classroom. It’s nutty.

I’ve known a lot of parents that are just like the ones you described. It is so frustrating. And they are like that not just with food allergies… I think its a control thing.. or a total jackass thing.

Thank you for all the compliments 🙂
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Sheba September 28, 2011 at 9:42 pm

Whoa, just whoa. I really don’t get what happened here. I don’t care what your opinion is on any topic, however controversial, but how can any mom want any kid out there to suffer in any way? My daughter just had a scary episode involving ingesting a bite of a dessert that had ground nuts in it. She was dark red, swollen, covered in hives, itchy and crying and I just went into emergency mode. Than God she didn’t eat more than that bite because the doctor said she does have a severe allergy and I now carry an epipen everywhere. If anyone ever said anything like this to or about my daughter because of any reason whatsoever I think I’d resort to real violence or at the very least, make that person cry with how mean I could be. You are being so restrained and classy about it. And after what happened with our allergy experience and how terrifying it was, I want you to know how amazing you are for ninja kicking your way through any and all obstacles in your child’s path. I don’t know if I could find that much strength. Zahara will be seeing an allergist to determine which nuts she is allergic to and how serious it is. I’m hoping for the best, but whatever we found out I hope I can be as informed, witty, and proactive about it as you. Like I said before, you are right about all this. Keep up the amazing work mama!


Leila October 3, 2011 at 10:44 am

Thank you Sheba!

I’m so sorry you experienced that with your daughter. Once you see it… it’s that kind of feeling and visual that is just there fresh in your mind.

My initial reaction to someone like this would to do exactly what you described… but what would that accomplish other than make me tired? 😉 Ultimately, I’d like to think that maybe if she read this it would give some perspective and maybe.. just maybe.. she would offer an apology on my daughters sake. Doubtful.

Feel free to message or email me anytime with allergy questions. It is a process to figure out which are true positives and not false positives.. and where to go from there.
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Cheryl @ Mommypants September 28, 2011 at 10:27 pm

Wow, that’s, um…wow. That’s sad that her sister keeps her child home because of peanut allergy. I mean, does the child ever go out in public? To a playground? To the mall? A restaurant?

You have to live your life. Your child has to live his or her life – because, no, the world doesn’t adjust for allergies. However. School should be a safe place. These are little kids we’re talking about!

You know my feelings on this. There is ignorance, selfishness and entitlement everywhere.
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Leila October 3, 2011 at 10:46 am

I appreciate your words so much Cheryl! Thank you.

When my daughters allergies were much worse when she was a toddler it was HARD to take her to the park or certain public places. I looked like a crazy woman with all the wipes. I also had her sit on a blanket on the swing and slide.. just in case. But, we had fun and she did most things other kids did.. just yanno, not eat death cupcakes.
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Sweaty September 29, 2011 at 5:53 am

I’m sorry, but that woman is plain CRAZY. Her comments are so out of this world, I wonder which planet she lives in. Grrrrr.
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Leila October 3, 2011 at 10:47 am

Aw, I don’t think it is totally crazy to think that isolating children, leaving them out by making them be the only kid in the room without a treat and wishing harm on an innocent kid is crazy!!!

Oh wait.. you are right 🙂
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Jamie September 29, 2011 at 12:31 pm

My mouth is agape. You. Totally. Win.
I feel sorry for her. And really happy for you!

good luck with lovelinks!


Leila October 3, 2011 at 10:47 am
Lo September 30, 2011 at 12:59 am

I have found your blog via Aiming Low and been following this for a while. I am a mother of two kids, they are not special needs and they don’t have food allergies and what that woman said (wrote) to you is preposterous. Apart from the fact that indeed what you do for your daughter is what you should since you are the mother and God knows the length a mother would go for her child I’d like to mention that you are also providing a service. You also educate people like me on how to be better mom friends, how to be more considerate to the others you give me actual means to do that. Instead of just “I’m sorry, I’ll put that away” I can help a mother whose children pass through the same thing. If there is a class party or if there are other gatherings I can help that mother, I can prepare my house for her children to have playdates with mine or share the same lunch sometimes (I used to swap lunches when i was little with one of my friends). And i truly believe your children SHOULD attend any school they want, yes they are ENTITLED.


Leila October 3, 2011 at 10:49 am

Thanks a million Lo! This made me all teary.

It means the world to me that you find my blog posts helpful. That is exactly why I do it and even if what I write helps one mom and one child.. that is worth its weight in gold and then some.
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Stephanie @ The Blue Zoo October 1, 2011 at 11:12 pm

Holy damn.

I cant believe she actually said that about the cupcakes. What the hell is wrong with that Ani person??!!
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Leila October 3, 2011 at 10:50 am

I think Ani didn’t have anyone bring her cupcakes in school. So now she is overdoing it and shoving cupcakes down the throats of all because of her obviously deprived life.

I want to hang with her. I bet she would be down with our furry club!
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Lisa October 2, 2011 at 9:33 am

For the first time this year I have 2 kids in classes with peanut allergies – one of the kids in KG has an allergy so severe the kids have been asked not to bring pb&j for lunch. If they do, they have to sit separately from the rest of the class (either that or they move the allergic kids…haven’t tested it to find out). Though my daughter loves pb&j we have not packed it once, because I don’t want anyone to have to move. In my other daughter’s class the parent came up after the class meeting volunteering to provide all snacks for all parties and at first I was amazed, until I found out why….it’s the only way she can be sure her kid can participate in the party. I applaud moms like you who go to such great lengths to ensure their kids get to participate in these parties, etc. The rest of us take this stuff for granted – I never once considered how dangerous such a party could be until I talked to that mom. It is GOOD to raise awareness about these things!


Leila October 3, 2011 at 10:53 am

Lisa.. this is amazing! I’ve always said it takes someone being in that situation to understand why I do the things I do for my kids. Sure, my kid could decline a treat, leave the room while they are being consumed and come back after every desk is wiped down… or I could just keep her home… but why? Kids can learn compassion and selflessness and parents can be given the tools to make things a little more accommodating. I don’t see it as policing… I’ve always seen it as alternatives to harm.
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Stephi October 2, 2011 at 9:36 am


Thankfully I’m the only one of my household with any known allergies and only VERY mildly allergic to eggs & fairly allergic to steroids. (I have enough battles with just trying to keep my DOCTOR and PHARMACY from trying to kill me with steroid based prescriptions, I truly can’t imagine having to battle ignorant, selfish persons over it as well.)

I know my aunt had a lot of issues with her son, who is my age, so 25yrs ago when cupcakes, cookies, etc were normally brought from home to school with reckless abandon. He’s allergic to wheat, dairy, msg, gluten, I don’t even know what else but my aunt was like you in that she worked diligently to ensure that he lived a quite normal life. She traveled two hours one way to go to the only store in that area that carried rice based foods, etc – made his bread, cakes, snacks, etc. It was extra work on her part, but everyone was wonderful about it and were considerate about it. AND he went to public school!

It just dumbfounds me that there are such miserable people who think that wishing ill will on a child makes them out to be some sort of Godsend, where in fact, they’re actually just petty miserable bitches.
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Leila October 3, 2011 at 10:58 am

I have so much respect for your Aunt! Steroid allergies are SCARY! I’m so sorry! It boggles my mind when doctors and pharmacists just blank on ingredients. I always get asked “Um, can she have that?” While I research everything obsessively and always have my ducks in a row.. why are the professionals asking ME?!

25 years ago it was insanely difficult to find allergy alternatives. My brother has a lot of dietary and medical conditions that always made things tricky. There just wasn’t much available!!! I thought 10 years ago sucked… the allergy friendly alternatives have come a really long way.

Now I am just hoping that the mindset that Ani has becomes less common as more people can advocate and not get their panties in a twist over damn snacks.
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meleah rebeccah October 6, 2011 at 10:29 am

“Yes, I am entitled actually. My daughter has a legal right to attend public school and not be discriminated against. I also wear my bitch badge loud and proud because I will not back down from bullies like this woman and I will stand by those who are in our shoes that need someone on their side.”


Sing it sista!
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Leila October 16, 2011 at 1:12 pm
Dana K October 16, 2011 at 12:04 pm

I came back to read this post AGAIN after reading your guest post.

I’m still saddened by the whole situation. Pseudo-anonymity makes people awfully bold.
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Leila October 16, 2011 at 1:14 pm

Thanks Dana. It is comforting that those types of things are very rarely said in person. People get a big set of balls when they are behind a computer.

Thing is… I am exactly the way I am online and in person. It’s all fun and games til someone threatens my kid. Then it would be on and I have no hesitations telling somewhat what large thing to shove up what orifice. 😉
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Rayna Powers October 16, 2011 at 5:27 pm

I am very happy to here people like you blogging the issues we allergy parents have to put up with out of other ignorant parents. They are people that just want to be in control all the time. I have come across a few people like this, my Dad I didn’t speak to for seven months over my son’s allergy issue because he said that I would turn him into a pussy. Like I chose this for my kid. My son is now not allowed over his Grandfathers house at any point what so ever. If he Grandfather wants to see him he is to come to my house to visit. There are other we have had to deal with too, but not as close of a relative like his Grandfather that is ever so ignorant. Thank you again for putting this out there. I have shared this with my Facebook friends in hopes that I will spark a better tolerance for these people, and kids of all kinds with this that they did not chooses.


Jenny October 19, 2011 at 2:39 pm

I have just come across your blog and this is actually the first post I have read. I want to say thanks for helping those of us who don’t deal with this on a daily basis understand what it is like for the child with allergies. I am room mother for my sons kindergarten class’ Halloween party. One of the children in the class has a severe peanut allergy. When the mother came to me and offered to buy all of the snacks and treats for the entire class I was shocked. This is not her or her sons fault. There is absolutely no reason that I can’t shop with him in mind and be accommodating to this sweet little boy. The mom and I have agreed that she will come to my home to make sure that everything I have bought is safe. This little boy and your daughter deserve friends, an education and damn it even a cupcake just like everyone else. The woman you have mentioned is a bully and a bitch! Good for you for standing up for your daughter!


Renee October 25, 2011 at 1:29 pm

Latex Balloons are and have been banned in many of our area schools as well as peanuts for reasons of students diagnosed with anaphylaxsis allergy to these items. I personally understand completely the need for having Nut Free Classrooms, and banning items like Nuts &/or Latex from a school building altogether if it is absolutely medically necessary. Schools need to get wise as do parents about what TRUE allergies are and get proper diagnosis with documentation to stop making people’s lives needlessly difficult. Yet, also schools and parents of children with serious allergies should be working together to educate other’s in their school community so there is less of this ladies ignorance and angst bullshit!

Sidenote: There are children though with so very many medical issues and so many allergies, food and environmental, however that simply cannot be accomodated at school and it is quite unwise to allow them to attend. I happen to have one of those children. There was a time that I was told by the administrators, teachers, school nurses, etc that there’s no way they could control and prevent all possible exposures to my son’s diagnosed allergens. It quickly became evident in his first semister of Pre-K that, for that reason and because of his MANY other medical reasons, he would from then on need to be a Homebound Student. He is 7.5 now and continues to have very bad allergies & medical issues and will likely be Homebound for years!


Leila April 16, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Odd, my reply got sucked up in to the vortex of the interwebz!! My perspective is this: My daughter is a child. NOT “the allergy kid”. Just as my friend’s daughter is her daughter not her “down syndrome kid” and as the other children in my life are not autistic kids… They are kids. All these kids happen to have some sort of special needs.

I am never looking to be offended but I tell my daughter to advocate for herself if she feels bad if others define her solely by her special needs. She hates it. We do it in jest within our trio but she loathes others calling her the allergy kid or the sick kid. It makes her feel like she isn’t seen as who she is but only the negatives that people perceive with her conditions.

There is a lot of debate on the topic of calling a child an autistic child or a child with autism. From most people I know they advocate for their child not being defined by any sort of condition. Some speak from the side of having an extremely literal child who may find it challenging and demoralizing to be told they are an autistic child. They feel not like a normal child and some not even a child at all… because they define things so literally that they become simply their condition rather than being a child.

There is also the debate that calling a child “the autistic child” means that is the forefront… the whole child is overlooked. I’ve seen it many times “Don’t call my son/daughter XYZcondition, just call them kids”.

But, there are those that argue that many people are empowered by calling themselves by their conditions or diagnosis.

Though on the flip side of that it can be said that some of my friends ARE jackasses but not friends with jackass tendencies 😉
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