Life is so unpredictable.
I’m the type of person that likes everything laid out. I like understanding all the possibilities so I can plan accordingly. Living in a constant state of unknowns is not easy for me. This has been the reality of my existence for the past few months.
My appointment this morning went better than expected, especially after the terrifying dog attack yesterday, my unexpected fetal monitoring in the hospital last week, and all the unknowns I’ve been dealing with. I was still with a lot of what ifs but even more relief.
Before we began the ultrasound I told my doctor that I was suspecting that she was now breech. She paused and said “I pretty much expect every possible worst case scenario to pop up with this pregnancy so I bet you are right! This one is going to be your troublemaker… she’s already keeping us on our toes…” she grinned at me and I told her if I was a betting woman I could have made some money on this. As soon as she touched the ultrasound probe toward my cervix we both saw feet and laughed. We seriously laughed a lot. I probably shouldn’t have laughed because it’s very serious stuff if she doesn’t turn. She was shaking her head and thanked me for having such a great sense of humor.
What else can I do? Honestly, the breech at 31 weeks is the least of my concern with everything else.
The biggest concern of vasa previa that was going to cause a mandatory early c-section between 34 – 36 weeks has been ruled out. It’s. Been. Ruled. OUT. The membranes that were exposed are not visible anymore. The blood flow in the umbilical cord is healthy. My placenta moving up which also caused no more membranes and/or umbilical cord to block my cervix. Oh and the placenta itself isn’t blocking my cervix either! I’m honestly not used to the small statistic of BEST case scenario working in my favor… it’s usually the opposite. I will freaking take this change, gladly!
At around twenty three weeks we thought I was going to deliver a micro preemie because of vasa previa and placenta previa. I was bleeding, contracting and showing all the signs. I was stuck on bed rest and dealing with all the scary possibilities. My cervix was completely covered with the placenta and umbilical cord and membranes. We looked at the scans and the progression was amazing to see… like the evolution of my pregnancy. It was truly the best possible scenario.
My doctor said “Normally, these two things being resolved naturally would mean life can go back to normal… but…”
Always a but…
I also have had a placental abruption (we don’t know how bad of one it is) and with my daughter being breeched, after my “she-hulk” moment, I have to continue to stay on modified bed rest. DOH.
However, the risk of a stillbirth have dropped significantly. The risk of my health has also dropped… though, with an abruption there is still a lot of concern but the vasa previa had a much higher mortality rate. It’s trading the lesser of two evils but I’m relieved.
What we do know right now is that she is very healthy. I’m losing weight but she is gaining again. She is measuring at approximately 4lbs and “seems very long”. She is a little bit bigger than expected at this point and that is a good thing compared to the last scan when she was showing to be very small.
It is also possible I may not have to get a c-section. It is also possible I may carry to full term without risks. Neither of these things were a possibility just a couple weeks ago. A couple weeks ago I was having to prepare with the possibility of having a premature daughter and hospital bed rest. Now, these things are not ruled out completely just yet but they aren’t mandatory.
This has been the hardest few months of my life. Right now I’m so relieved I want to dance around like a happy drunken monkey. I can’t. But, I want to.
For months I’ve been telling myself, “I’ve got this…” but now I’m really feeling it… and I have many amazing supportive people to thank through all of this.
I’m due on June 11th and have two months left. I’m hoping the final stretch of this pregnancy is smooth sailing. I was in a lot of pain today and still not feeling like my usual self, but I slept most of the day and woke up feeling like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.
It’s a damn good change of pace. I’m thankful for it.
About Leila DontSpeakWhinese
Leila, aka The Ninja, is the advocate for all things not whining. Parenting is fun when everyone stops b*tching! She is the Mom of a big blended family of four awesome kids. They ninja kick through life together. Oh and she is a total jackass.