I’m a planner. I’ve always been a planner and I like having a plan. But, after growing up (mostly), becoming a Mom, dealing with many life changes (good and bad) and everything in between I can no longer plan.
Oh there can be a general outline of what I want to obtain. There are always goals to work towards.
However, you have to learn to be flexible. Nothing is ever going to turn out exactly as we want it so the way to deal with that is learning to accept and appreciate what we have… and, as always, make the most of it. Keep on ninja kicking right?
On top of me dealing with personal medical issues and what seems to be an endless phase of feeling sick I got a double whammy this week. Unfortunately, it was my kids not feeling so awesome.
On Sunday my son said, “Mommy, I thought there was food behind my teeth but it’s another tooth!”. He was so excited. I was devastated. He isn’t a complainer (thankfully) and I had no idea he had teeth coming in behind his baby teeth that hadn’t fallen out yet.
It is the end of the year so that means everyone is trying to book up dentist appointments to use up their insurance. After a few calls yesterday morning to pediatric dentists that said they couldn’t get us in until around Christmas, on Christmas or mid January I was starting to freak out. I called my old Dentist who my Dad still goes to. I didn’t even know they took kids. They made us an appointment the next day since they just got off the phone with a cancellation.
Rad and… yikes!
My daughter has been exceptionally healthy lately and her autoimmune disease seems to have been in remission. I’ve constantly voiced how thankful we are for that but know it can change at any moment.
Well, that moment hit us. Nothing major… she is just in pain, her body aches, the cold doesn’t help and she is having chronic urticaria (hives) without any real connection to what is causing it. Okay, that sounds really freaking major but it’s been worse and she handles it with gusto. Life threatening food allergies, an autoimmune disease and arthritis flaring up at once isn’t fun for her… but she still has a smile on her face.
She stayed home from school yesterday but had to go with us to the dentist appointment for her little brother. We still laughed, joked and did some car-dancing. He was bouncing off the walls. She was quietly reading though I knew she was in pain.
I was trying to make the most of the situation but I was internally freaking out and feeling terrible. I’m a strong person who can and will take on the world but some moments I just want to break.
I should have seen his teeth. I should have seen this flare up coming. I should be able to do more. I should have… what? Expected everything to be unpredictable? How about I should stop being so damn hard on myself (as my dear sweetie points out to me often).
Life is exhaustingly and terrifyingly unpredictable. Everything is unpredictable and always will be. There isn’t a parenting book titled “How to make being a Parent Predicable and Easy” because that would be bullshit.
It is part of the reason life is so exciting, beautiful and amazing. It’s the great moments that balance out the bad. It’s the silver lining that makes it all rock. It is seeing positives that keep you sane rather than drag you down.
My 5 year old son embraced two teeth extractions with only one moment of saying “Ouch”. That was it. He was comedy the whole time. He was cracking jokes, didn’t cry, was being silly and embraced it. Everyone in the dentist office was so impressed with him and so was I!
On the way home my daughter started breaking out in hives and I needed to pull over since she thought she was going to throw up. My son lost his gauze and bit his lip. I spilled the water and hit my head on I-still-dont’t-know-what. When my daughter opened the door to throw up she farted right in my son’s face who was looking for the gauze while he drooled all over himself. And I was losing my shit because his bleeding wouldn’t stop.
Kesha’s song “Tick Tock” came on right then and we went from falling apart to car-dancing in the parking lot. We laughed. There isn’t a lot that beats a gassy 5 year old who can’t feel his mouth singing and dancing to that song.
None of this is what I expected this week. I had an event to attend today that I can’t go to. I have work I need to get done. I have projects due and a huge backed up todo list. Stressing and focusing on that isn’t going to do anything positive to get me through the day.
It will get done or it won’t but the important thing is to realize… it could be worse. It has been worse. And no matter what we make the most of it.
I don’t want to be miserable. I don’t want my family to be. I don’t want to allow the unpredictable to bring us down. So, I make the choice to not allow it.
Okay, so my daughter still feels like crap and I still feel terrible about his teeth. My daughter and I are going to be off in a bit to see her team and she is going to get a lot of lab work done. I’m concerned about the turn in her health and I always get nervous before she does labs. We may have good news or it may be shit.
While that IS all unpredictable it is part of our routine. We will ge through it until the next.
All of every unpredictable moment is still part of the plan and routine… I just need to continue to consciously pencil that in and embrace it when it comes our way. I can feel like I want to break down, throw my hands up and say it’s “Fuck This Shit O’Clock” …
But, I won’t. It doesn’t do anything. I’ll kick myself in my own ass and keep on ninja kicking. It’s a moment… and there are many more to be had.
Please send some happy healing thoughts for my babies and if you find yourself in an unpredictable moment just try to find the positive or make one. It’s better for you. Trust me. Keep on ninja kicking my peoples.
About Leila DontSpeakWhinese
Leila, aka The Ninja, is the advocate for all things not whining. Parenting is fun when everyone stops b*tching! She is a single Mom with two amazing kids. They ninja kick through life together. Oh and she is a total jackass.