To The Terrible Toy Thieves: You Suck at Life… and Crime

by Leila on March 16, 2011

Dear weak sauce jackasses who stole kid’s toys from our front yard,

I don’t know why you felt the need to take our Step 2 car for our Up and Down roller coaster because as a standalone ride on car it kind of sucks now. It doesn’t roll much on its own and you will see duct tape on the bottom where a crack started to form. You tried to disassemble the 12 foot long coaster track but I’m assuming it was too heavy for your weak ass to lift.

You also weren’t quick enough to take the three beat up tricycles that you left in front of my truck in the driveway that I keep on the side of my house. But, thanks for moving them because I needed to sweep where they are stored anyway.

Oh and the three bubble machines you took from my porch? Well, those were the broken ones from last year. You left the brand new one sitting next to the cat food so thank you for your lack of observation. I’m over the fact that you took a brand new 5$ box of giant sidewalk chalk, the two new $2 bubble wands and my bag of foam brushes that were falling apart. You left the bottles of washable tempura paint though so we will just remain content with finger painting for now.

Have a wonderful day and I hope you get minutes and minutes of joy out of our beat up toys and broken bubble machines.

~The Mom who now has less to sell at her next Garage Sale

PS You suck at life and suck at stealing toys.

About Leila DontSpeakWhinese

Leila, aka The Ninja, is the advocate for all things not whining. Parenting is fun when everyone stops b*tching! She is the Mom of a big blended family of five awesome kids. They ninja kick through life together. Oh and she is a total jackass.

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

Redawna March 16, 2011 at 10:15 pm

Sad pathetic wankers.


Leila March 16, 2011 at 11:38 pm

You have no idea how much I love the word wanker!!!


Devon Boatwright May 16, 2011 at 12:06 pm

HAHA!  What a loser.  I can’t figure out who would steal beat up toys.  It’s kind of sad, really. 


Shawnra October 22, 2011 at 12:24 am

OMG… My kids Step 2 roller coaster was stolen as well along with their sandbox, yes their sandbox!! Thank goodness the thieves weren’t at all observant enough to notice my 2 year olds tricycle behind the bush… which they had to go around to get to the roller coaster. What kind of jackasses steal from children!?! I mean come on! It really makes me wonder if they went to their house talking about how exhilarating it was stealing toys from two toddlers.


Bobbi October 1, 2013 at 2:19 pm

People are awful. I don’t get why you would steal kids toys to begin with.
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