Is it wrong to always joke that the two best tools of parenting are duct tape and chloroform? Well, if you walked in my shoes with my son you wouldn’t be trying to figure out what color duct tape matches his outfit today!
My son says the most random things! He also likes to argue. He also has a very contrarian personality. All of those combined make for a very interesting bedtime routine. Tonight he gave me these excuses not to sleep:
“Mommy, I can’t sleep because its dangerous! Bed bugs YANNO!”
“WAIT! I hear something! I need to save you!”
“Why won’t you let me save you Mommy? Don’t you believe in me?”
“Okay fine but if the monster gets you then don’t say I didn’t warn you!”
“Umm.. Mommy.. is there really a monster!? No really go check please!”
“HEY MOMMY! YOU ARE SO PRETTY AND NICE WHEN YOU DON’T MAKE ME GO TO BED!”
“Okay if I don’t have to go to bed right now then I will give you a kiss!”
“TWO KISSES AND A HUG!”
“Aw……… (said very very softly I almost didn’t hear it) shit… I DIDN’T SAY THAT!!!!!! I AM GOING TO BED NOW PRETTY MOMMY!”
He started to sing “My Mommy.. is so nice.. she likes rice.. nice.. rice.. dice.. so pretty lady.. lady bug… HEY MOMMY! Is there a DUDE bug!?”
“Hello Mr. Pillow. You are my only friend”
“Mommy I’m lonely without your hugs!”
“Mr Pillow.. lets break out of this crazy place! Alright! We are going to go to a super fun place! The bathroom!”
(He started making snoring noises.. then a big yawn noise) “Oh wow Mommy. It is so dark in the morning time! I went to sleep! I DID!”
(He started to sneak out of the bedroom) “AW MAN! Why do you know EVERYTHING!”
“One day you will listen to me when I say I’m NOT tired!”
All it took was a few minutes of silence and he went right to sleep. The problem is figuring out a way to get him to accept a few minutes of silence.
About Leila DontSpeakWhinese
Leila, aka The Ninja, is the advocate for all things not whining. Parenting is fun when everyone stops b*tching! She is the Mom of a big blended family of five awesome kids. They ninja kick through life together. Oh and she is a total jackass.