Excuses Not to go to Sleep From a 3 Year Old

by Leila on April 5, 2011

Is it wrong to always joke that the two best tools of parenting are duct tape and chloroform? Well, if you walked in my shoes with my son you wouldn’t be trying to figure out what color duct tape matches his outfit today!

My son says the most random things! He also likes to argue. He also has a very contrarian personality. All of those combined make for a very interesting bedtime routine. Tonight he gave me these excuses not to sleep:

“Mommy, I can’t sleep because its dangerous! Bed bugs YANNO!”

“WAIT! I hear something! I need to save you!”

“Why won’t you let me save you Mommy? Don’t you believe in me?”

“Okay fine but if the monster gets you then don’t say I didn’t warn you!”

“Umm.. Mommy.. is there really a monster!? No really go check please!”


“Okay if I don’t have to go to bed right now then I will give you a kiss!”


“Aw……… (said very very softly I almost didn’t hear it) shit… I DIDN’T SAY THAT!!!!!! I AM GOING TO BED NOW PRETTY MOMMY!”

He started to sing “My Mommy.. is so nice.. she likes rice.. nice.. rice.. dice.. so pretty lady.. lady bug… HEY MOMMY! Is there a DUDE bug!?”

“Hello Mr. Pillow. You are my only friend”

“Mommy I’m lonely without your hugs!”

“Mr Pillow.. lets break out of this crazy place! Alright! We are going to go to a super fun place! The bathroom!”

(He started making snoring noises.. then a big yawn noise) “Oh wow Mommy. It is so dark in the morning time! I went to sleep! I DID!”

(He started to sneak out of the bedroom) “AW MAN! Why do you know EVERYTHING!”

“One day you will listen to me when I say I’m NOT tired!”

All it took was a few minutes of silence and he went right to sleep. The problem is figuring out a way to get him to accept a few minutes of silence.

About Leila DontSpeakWhinese

Leila, aka The Ninja, is the advocate for all things not whining. Parenting is fun when everyone stops b*tching! She is the Mom of a big blended family of five awesome kids. They ninja kick through life together. Oh and she is a total jackass.

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Rachael April 6, 2011 at 2:46 pm

Oh, the duct tape thing is a joke?! Oops . . . 😉

My son is always suddenly starving at bed time. He has yet to figure out that that never works.

Sounds like he needs a pillow pet for an only friend. I wonder if they make a DUDE bug one!


Anne @ GreenEggs&Moms January 30, 2012 at 6:25 am

My son often says he’s hungry too! He actually tried to use that excuse earlier. I told him he can’t eat but needs to sleep instead and immediately felt like a horrible person. But then again he just had a feast 1.5 hours ago so he can’t possibly be starving!
Anne @ GreenEggs&Moms recently posted..12 Creative Ways: How to Make Kids Clean Their RoomMy Profile


Carri April 11, 2011 at 10:41 pm

hahaha Dang kids. Blake will all of a sudden need a certain blanket, or a certain teddy, or he’ll want me to kiss all of his teddys and stuffed animals. Anything to put off bed time.


Damon April 15, 2013 at 8:58 pm

I’d tell you that there’s not really such a thing as a contrarian personality – but I’d best not as I’m known for such contrarian antics. 😉

Sounds to me like your kid is creative, persistent, and shows precocious social insight. You have the curse: a clever child. My mother would (I hope…) sympathize.


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