Don’t Speak Whinese: Where it All Began

by Leila on December 22, 2010

I swear whining to me is like nails on a chalkboard, getting a splinter under my nail, a pimple in my nostril, an un-pick-able wedgie AND a damn mosquito bite inside my ear! Sure, we all have our random bitch fits where we just need to vent but to live life whining about one thing to the next is pretty draining. Misery loves company but I like to show that biatch the door!

When my daughter was a baby I had this absolutely amazing image of how life would be when she was a toddler, preschooler and so on. Oh this glorious fantasy world where all she did was say please, thank you, constantly use her normal voice and never throw a tantrum. She would be the model of perfection because I, after all, would make no mistakes.

Then reality hit and I just wanted that freaking fantasy back again!

I remember standing in the kitchen one day trying to juggle bajillion things at once and while my “perfect” toddler was crying, throwing fits, screaming, demanding and almost pulling down my pants trying to get my attention. I thought I was going to lose my mind. All the parenting books and my sanity slipping processed in my overly tired noggin. I tried to remember… what the hell was the right thing to do in this situation!? Do I get down on her level? Do I use a calm voice? Do I ninja kick her? (Calm down… I wouldn’t! But we ALL think it!) Do I lovingly yet assertively explain how she is hurting my feelings? Do I tell her how she is damaging my calm? Do I embrace her? Do I scream? Do I throw a shoe!? Do I yell at her father and blame him for this?! WHAT DO I DO!?

So I just did what was natural to me and I covered my ears and I kept repeating “I cannot understand your whiney voice. Your whiney voice is hurting my ears. Nice words feel good in my ears. Please find your normal voice and nice words…” and then me being who I am I then added “Please, don’t speak whinese.” I chuckled at that moment thinking I was so witty.

She was quiet. HOLY SHIT SHE WAS QUIET! So I said very calm, slowly and channeled my inner Disney princess “Sweetheart this is Mommy’s normal voice. Saying please and thank you are nice words. Please use them so I can understand you. I cannot understand when you speak whinese.”

That has been repeated thousands of times since then. For a long time all I would have to do is motion putting a hand over my ear, pretend to wince and she would stop, collect herself, change her tone and speak normally. It wasn’t always that easy and still isn’t at times as my epitome of perfection toddler has turned into the perfect little attitude diva. But, I have stayed consistent. I won’t speak to the kids if they whine. I won’t give them something they want without asking politely. I will try my damn hardest not to reward them or give in during an epic tantrum of doom. It’s not a perfect system but for the most part my kids are ridiculously polite most of the time. I’ve even heard my daughter say to her buddy down the street “Don’t speak whinese … learn to use your normal voice!” I just love that.

The Chaos in Arguing

About Leila DontSpeakWhinese

Leila, aka The Ninja, is the advocate for all things not whining. Parenting is fun when everyone stops b*tching! She is the Mom of a big blended family of five awesome kids. They ninja kick through life together. Oh and she is a total jackass.