The Time I Created a Coffee Explosion … Because I Have No Sense

by Leila on April 29, 2013

I love coffee on an obnoxiously-delicious addictive level. My coffee addiction is so bad, yet comical, that my daughter started making me coffee years ago as a means of self preservation. 

She is the smartest one in this house.

I’m also a bit of a jackass and tend to do things to hurt myself, break myself and end up in ridiculous situations.

I had one of those days where my to-do list was too long, I didn’t get a lot of sleep and I was rushing everything. The plan was simple – grab a peppermint mocha with soy and no whip (yes, you can get these year round. You are welcome!) and head into Lowes then to the five other places I needed to go.

I got so far as the Lowes parking lot.

What came next happened within a few seconds, but it seemed like I was stuck in a slow motion movie scene.

I got my coffee, parked and took a picture of the deliciousness in a venti sized cup to share on Instagram. Because… that is what everyone does right? I grabbed my Tardis purse (it’s bigger on the inside) and my coffee and started to hop out of my truck when all hell broke loose.

My purse got stuck on something.

That caused me to slip and my arm, which was connected to my coffee, jerk back.

My venti peppermint mocha was falling to it’s DOOM!

I did what any sane person does in that situation…

I screamed loudly and tried to catch that coffee in midair so fast that I ended up karate chopping it. 

By the way – At that point I was still halfway outside of my truck, in a leaning back Matrix-like position with my big huge Tardis purse wrapped up on something.

The coffee hit the radio and a volcanic coffee explosion happened. It. Got. EVERYWHERE. I had coffee on my face, down my back and my hair smelled of peppermint mocha for days despite the amount of times I washed it. Coffee was on the ceiling, behind the steering wheel, ALL over the windshield and just puddles of it.

Coffee Explosions

You never realize how much is in a venti sized coffee cup until it’s all over your everything.

I was yelling the whole time. I do that when I get nervous and I do it without thinking. After the yelling I laughed and I laughed so hard I snorted. I was halfway outside my truck, covered in coffee, practically strangled by my purse and laughing hysterically.

The Lowes parking lot was filled with men loading up their work trucks. I heard a faint male’s voice ask “Ma’am… do you need help?” and I yelled back “Move along boys! I got this!”

At that point I did what anyone would do. I took pictures and shared them on Instagram and Facebook. I texted my sweetie who was telling his co-workers how amazingly graceful and sane I am in these situations.

Coffee Explosion

I had only a few napkins, my soaked hoodie and a used snot tissue in my truck to clean this mess up. The windshield was a giant coffee smear. I could see out of it but not well. My glasses were also foggy with coffee. I drove the one mile up the road to my house with my face over the steering wheel and trying to drive as carefully as I could with my hazards on. An officer pulled up next to me at a stop light, I gave him a quick rundown of my morning and he let me follow him down the road. I think he was contemplating locking me up in a looney bin. 

I got home, cleaned up the mess the best I could and literally hosed myself off on the front lawn. After almost an hour of scrubbing, washing and soaking up coffee I was glad to be done. 

Until…

Coffee Explosion

Yup, of course I would lock my keys in the truck.

Thankfully, I found the spare.

I’m glad it was my ‘free’ coffee so, techincally, I didn’t commit coffee waste.

So, amuse/comfort me… How many of you have done something similar? :P

About Leila DontSpeakWhinese

Leila, aka The Ninja, is the advocate for all things not whining. Parenting is fun when everyone stops b*tching! She is the Mom of a big blended family of four awesome kids. They ninja kick through life together. Oh and she is a total jackass.

Comments

  1. Damn don’t you hate when you waste a perfectly good mocha?! And then….. you got to add “find nearest car cleaning place” to your already full day.
    Kristen Daukas recently posted..Rooster’s in the Hen HouseMy Profile

    1. Leila says:

      I never thought to take it to a car cleaning place. Why didn’t I think of that?! It would have been worth whatever the price of “Clean Up of Massive Coffee Destruction” is. I’m still finding drops of coffee on things in my truck.

  2. Mariah says:

    Looks like you got a lot of work out of a free coffee!
    Mariah recently posted..Fruti Pinterest PartyMy Profile

    1. Leila says:

      At least I had a few sips left at the bottom of it :)

  3. Oh my! I would freak out because my car is fairly new. My kids have spilled in the back before!! =( Glad you got it cleaned up!
    Kristin Wheeler (Mama Luvs Books) recently posted..Tyson Springtime Chicken Nugget KabobsMy Profile

    1. Leila says:

      And this right here is why I will never buy a car brand new LOL I just can’t do it. Bad things will happen!

  4. I’ve had a few coffee spills, they’re awful!

    1. Leila says:

      They so are!!

  5. My jaw dropped open when I saw that mess. Unbelievable! I’m glad you ended up laughing though. :)
    Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell recently posted..Creamy Chicken Pasta & Broccoli Casserole #CountryCrockStarsMy Profile

    1. Leila says:

      It was the biggest coffee mess I have made yet! I wouldn’t order a venti for awhile after that… unless I was in a friend’s car because that is the nice thing to do ;) I have to laugh about these things! If I didn’t then I would go crazy!

  6. Tree Lindsay says:

    My long lost twin!! lol I swear that day totally sounds like something I would do! Too funny.. now anyway. :)
    Tree Lindsay recently posted..Fried Pickles with Ranch Dipping SauceMy Profile

    1. Leila says:

      So, what you are really saying is that we can’t grab a cup of coffee and drive anywhere after because we would destroy ALL THINGS! lol

  7. Amiyrah says:

    This whole experience totally says “Leila was here.” You even rock at catastrophes. How is this possible?
    Amiyrah recently posted..5 ways to spend less on clothingMy Profile

    1. Leila says:

      LOL. I love you.

      Yanno, when you grow up being a total jackass your whole life you begin to master it. They said I could be anything… I became a master of jackassery ;)

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