I’m at war with my vision (or lack of vision). More specifically I’m at war with the devices that help me see.
Sometimes I forget that I handled jalapenos and I change my contacts. This results in me running around screaming because of the jalapeno juice of doom burning my retinas. Yes, retinas. They reach my innermost eyeball core.
I regularly poke my eye, accidentally of course, while trying to adjust my glasses.
I’ve stabbed my eyes with my glasses.
I have also poked my eye or the bridge of my nose because I was trying to adjust the glasses that are not on my face.
When I yell out, “OUCH!” my kids will reply with “Did you poke your eye again, Mommy?”
I honestly stopped wearing contacts for six months because I was concerned I would do something stupid and lose my vision for good. This didn’t shock my friends.
I think they supported it but missed the entertainment.
When my annual eye exam came up I was happy to discuss LASIK options but it’s just not in my budget right now. My optometrist urged me to make it a priority because of my history of being a complete jackass. She suggested I look into “more obvious” eyewear so I won’t forget when I have them on.
Yes, she meant bigger. Huge glasses and heavy so I wasn’t poking myself by being overly excited and distracted by life.
When I realized she wanted me to get glasses so big I could see into the future I probably should have been slightly offended. That’s what most people do, right? She was so delicate about the suggestion I sensed she was expecting me to be upset or negative. My first thought was, “This is going to be awesome!!”
I browsed the glasses. I was steered towards the men’s frames. I couldn’t find anything that I loved. I also figured if I was going big with this I needed to really go big. I needed absolute ridiculous!
Need not want. I want to have perfect vision but I need to be… well… me.
I asked if I could use sunglasses for frames and the sales chick, reluctantly, offered to pop frames out of them so I could see what they looked like as glasses.
THIS WAS AMAZING.
If you have seen my Instagram feed or know me in person I am usually rocking some huge glasses that make me look like an anime bug.
I love them.
I feel that the larger the sunglasses the smaller my giant head looks! It’s in my half Japanese genes to have a ginormous noggin.
As I tried on dozens (seriously) of sunglasses frames I noticed the sales girl got a little nervous. She tried so hard to stay positive and not react negatively. I said to her ”It’s totally okay… I embrace looking absolutely ridiculous!” She smiled politely and excused herself to help others.
Since then I’ve scoped out my sunglasses and want to get a second set. I’m paranoid that I will lose my glasses, run out of contacts and bump into things. Also, I scratched the lens on my favorite sunglasses and figured I should convert them to everyday wear.
A few days ago my sweetie confessed that he hates those sunglasses. The look of disgust when I told him I was going to get them as prescription glasses was priceless.
“Would they look ridiculous or awesome as glasses?!”
He replied, “They look ridiculous as both!”
“You mean… they look ridiculously awesome as both!”
He made a face.
I popped the lenses out to show him the awesomeness. He made another face and mumbled to himself. He was driving, the kids were in the back laughing and he just shook his head and focused on the road.
“I don’t have to love them… it’s your choice…” he said to me and I quickly cut off with “OH I KNOW! I can’t wait!”
Last night I popped the lenses out again and told him I was going to wear them like that all the time until he realized he loved them. He left the room.
I took pictures of myself in the giant frames of radness and I intended to send him multiple pictures of me in them.
He had to realize these frames were going to be a part of my face soon.
When our son jumped in to take pictures with me I wasn’t sure if he loved the frames or loved the chance to take silly pictures. Either way I was cool with it.
His Dad continued to ignore me. I kept bugging him about the glasses. I loved the frames more and more.
I love that he will give me his opinion honestly and accept that I’m going to do what I want anyways.
That is what sustains a loving relationship. Acceptance, awesome frames that annoy your significant other when he looks at your smirking/mocking face and you realize he loves you so much he will put up with anything. Thanks, babe!
Oh and also these are supposed to prevent me from poking my eyeballs out. So, there is that.
About Leila DontSpeakWhinese
Leila, aka The Ninja, is the advocate for all things not whining. Parenting is fun when everyone stops b*tching! She is a single Mom with two amazing kids. They ninja kick through life together. Oh and she is a total jackass.