Why I won’t speak whinese about #BlogHer12

by Leila on August 10, 2012

I’ve been on the fence for the last two days posting this. I am not trying to stir the pot or ruffle feathers but I really just can’t stand all the whining! It actually bums me out to see so much negativity about this conference.

First I want to start this off by saying – I get disappointment. I understand that things won’t always be perfect. I’ve been there where traveling, staff and expectations fall flat. Sometimes? Shit just sucks.

I get that. I live that. I embrace that and ninja kick the crap out of the way and focus on the good.

Sure, there were hiccups, annoyances and there is just no way everyone will be happy with everything.

Why focus on the negativity? Stop and think – is this one thing getting under your skin worth it?

Why so serious?

Was it crowded? Oh hell yes! But, that was also known before going there. Over 4k attendees and in a busy city… what did everyone expect? There are large conferences and then there are the smaller and more intimate ones… ahem… like the Aiming Low Non-con!

Was the transportation a pain in the butt? Um, of course… we were in NYC.

Were there mean girls? Annoying people? Jerks? Bad food? Stinky creepers on the bus? Music too loud? Bad staff? Uncomfortable/annoying/inconsiderate/fill-in-the-blank-here? Too much swag? Not enough? Not enough sessions? Too many? Too crowded? Nothing of interest? Private party drama? Parties not living up to expectations? Not enough eyecandy!?

Yes. All of the above and then some… so what do you do about it? Either accept that there will be annoying shit and make the most out of it or avoid the things you dislike.

Focusing on those negatives is so consuming. What about the good? That smile from someone you follow? The tip that inspired you? The motivation? The accomplishment that you went out there, to a big ass city with a bunch of crazy ass bloggers in an insanely intimidating situation… and you did it. You went. You were fucking there! And you…

… insert those positive moments here… Hold on to those. Even if they seem minimal to crappy service, rude people on elevators or funny smelling rooms!

Sidenote: I used to live in NYC. It always smells funky everywhere you go in the summer. It’s a smell… I can’t explain it. I got a whiff of it as soon as I got off the plane and then it sunk in my clothes. Bleh.

Never walk around in the city barefoot. *dies*


It’s a conference. It’s not a spa and resort. It’s not Disneyland.

I think we lose sight of the fact that it is a conference. It’s meant to be a way for you to progress your blog – and there are enough ways to make that happen at BlogHer. There are sessions, tables during meals where you can strike up a conversation, expo halls to meet brands, sponsored parties offering every type of atmosphere so you can find somewhere you belong. It’s all there. It’s up to us to make that happen.

Did you go there to learn?Attend sessions and find the right ones for you!
Didn’t find the content you want?Talk to the people you admire most in this crazy blogosphere!
Were the sessions crowded but you REALLY wanted to go? Sit your butt on the floor. Screw it. If it’s something valuable to you then make it work (yes that sucks but don’t let anything stop you from making the conference what YOU want!)
Did you go to network with people?Start conversations!
Did you go for the swag? – Try to go to all the parties that have it and engage in the Expo Hall (don’t be a jackass in the Expo Hall or hover in the drop room… cause… seriously… c’mon… no one likes a psycho ‘swag hag’. Let’s get real people.)
Did you go to get away from your kids, have a luxurious vacation and get your ass pampered?GO TO A FREAKING SPA! 🙂

I was exhausted before I got to BlogHer. I slept minimally. I was anxious helping plan the Come As You Are Party hosted by Aiming Low and The Mouthy Housewives and worried that I didn’t do enough… that things would fall apart or I’d break my foot again… but shhh… I kept my cool the whole time about it. Being away from my kids is the hardest thing ever since I’m a single Mom and my daughter’s health issues can flare up at any moment. My allergies were acting up. I don’t like the heat/humidity. My foot started giving me issues again.

But, you know what? I had a fucking blast! Was it perfect? Hell no. Did I do everything I wanted? Not a chance. Did I see everyone I intended to? Shit nah!


At the end of the day… I push out all the shoulda-coulda-wouldas and I embrace the fact that I made the freaking most of it and have no regrets – I do have a list of things I want to make different next year. But, that is MY choice to make it different.

I talked to many Whovians and supporters of our ‘Goodnight, Pond’ book. I went to some amazing parties. I met a crapton of people. I got the most amazing, lovely and random compliments on what I am doing on the interwebz. I had a TON of street meat.

Plus, I ran around like a jackass in a sparkly corn costume with my wingbitch Melysa at Sparklecorn so anything beyond that was for shits and giggles.

I freaking snuggled with a Wookiee when I was in a sparkling corn on the cob costume! THAT … well… I honestly don’t know what the crap to call that.

Think of it this way - It could have been worse - you could have been me with this insane idea

Seriously, keep on ninja kicking, stop speaking whinese and make it all worth it. Sometimes you just gotta say, “Screw it! I’m gonna make the most of this biatch! LETS DO THIS!” and power through it. Truly, no one can stop you from having a rad time. Lets do it!!!!

Life is too rad to focus on the bullshitI hope to see you all next year in Chicago.

About Leila DontSpeakWhinese

Leila, aka The Ninja, is the advocate for all things not whining. Parenting is fun when everyone stops b*tching! She is the Mom of a big blended family of five awesome kids. They ninja kick through life together. Oh and she is a total jackass.

{ 42 comments… read them below or add one }

Faiqa August 10, 2012 at 2:15 am

You are the rock star of all ninjas. And that’s saying something. XOXOXOXO


Leila August 10, 2012 at 9:04 am

And you are the rock star of my pants… no wait.. you are the rock star that rocks the rockstar of all ninjas on the dance floor! *does the booty dance* MWAH!


Jackie R. August 10, 2012 at 4:16 am

Never walk around in the city barefoot. *dies*

Did someone do this!?!?!?! Bllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech


Leila August 10, 2012 at 9:03 am

See above!!! Or below.. however the hell it does it *dies*


junebug August 10, 2012 at 4:29 am

Love it! Now I really want to go to BlogHer next year. Is there a sparkly costume rule? Do I need to come up with something like sparkly butternut squash or sparkly feather duster? I must think on this one. I’m shy at conferences, well, I’m intimated at conferences by all the bloody talented people there. Perhaps if I was a sparkly feather duster people would approach me?


Leila August 10, 2012 at 9:03 am

You have to come next year!!! And no… there isn’t a sparkly costume rule. I do hope to infect everyone with my sparklycorn……. oh man that sounded so bad.


Joann Woolley August 12, 2012 at 10:24 am

LOVE that comment right there – you can’t come up with funny shit like that if you try – you totally gotta be a natural and that YOU ARE. I owe you for cabfare girl – how do i get it to you?
Joann Woolley recently posted..10 things to do before you attend a BlogHer ConferenceMy Profile


Chloe August 10, 2012 at 5:18 am

I think there are some very self-important, entitled bloggers out there who don’t seem to realize, “We blog.” It isn’t like we’re curing fucking cancer or solving world hunger.

Yes, many bloggers do care about deeper issues, write amazing stuff, are tremendous people, but honestly!! We’re bloggers, not Mother Teresa. The sense that somehow the Universe owes us free shit and a perfect time really baffles me.

I, for one, had a great time. It’s supposed to be a big, loud conference, and it didn’t disappoint. But Pathfinder Day was excellent this year. I attended several great sessions. The public parties are great! And I’m going to Aiming Low. Really, how bad could life be?
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Leila August 10, 2012 at 9:02 am

I agree! I’m flattered when I get a compliment on what I am doing and the awesomeness that is thrown at me – but I am in no way a celebrity, self important or famous.

I’m a chick who likes to talk a lot who happens to love writing about funny(sometimes) shit.

The battle for free crap really bugged me this year. People were pushing, elbowing and just being nasty about it. What’s the point?

Yay for Aiming Low Non-Con 🙂 So very stoked about it!


Anne (@notasupermom) August 10, 2012 at 7:46 pm

I didn’t see any swag-whoring, but I didn’t go to the expo floor until late Saturday when reps were giving me multiples of fem wipes or coupons or whatever.

I sat on the floor plenty during sessions. My problem was when the room capacity exceed fire limits, you were turned away at the door. That hurt, but at least I can get the live bloggers’ recaps.

You rocked it out on the dance floor, but you got my sloppy seconds on the Wookie.

See you at the Aiming Low Non Con! Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.


Wendy August 10, 2012 at 5:41 am

I hear ya, sister! Not everything was perfect, but DAY-EM, I had a GREAT TIME! SO great, I’m excited for next year!
No whining here.


Leila August 10, 2012 at 8:56 am

Nothing is perfect!! I mean shit.. my drink tickets went missing and by the last night people will throwing theirs at me! 🙂 So stoked about Chicago!


Megan August 10, 2012 at 5:51 am

You were one of the highlights of the conference for me. I really enjoyed it even if it was overwhelming at times (it was my first). I think you are right on with everything you said.
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Leila August 10, 2012 at 8:55 am

That means so much to me Megan 🙂 The fact that I had a positive impact on people’s BlogHer experience seriously makes me happy!


So-Called Geek August 10, 2012 at 7:14 am

Love it…. and I still say you’re CORNY!

I’m with you 100%. Life is what you make it….and same goes for BlogHer… it’s a ride and you’ve gotta love it for the crazy. 🙂
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Leila August 10, 2012 at 8:54 am

I’m CORNY with SPARKLES! I’m like what happens to produce around Twilight vampires… but better!

I’m all about loving the ride for the crazy 🙂


Vikki August 10, 2012 at 7:46 am

I agree! People need to check their expectations. Also, if you have an issue with the conference, talk to BlogHer people and offer to help make things better. Complaining without a willingness to affect change does nobody any good.

Bring it Chicago!


Leila August 10, 2012 at 8:53 am

Word! I believe in constructive criticism and reaching a point where ya just say “fuck it” and make the most of it. Progress the situation or accept it. Sitting around whining about it isn’t going to help anyone… especially the person working themselves up.


Freetail Therapy August 10, 2012 at 7:48 am

I was TOTALLY walking around the city barefoot. I LOVE shoes, I just hate wearing them. 😛
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Leila August 10, 2012 at 8:50 am

I think my insides are gonna flow out of me… why… why… why?!?!?! (I have feet issues) I hope you have scrubbed those bad boys at least twenty times since last weekend! haha


Anne (@notasupermom) August 10, 2012 at 7:49 pm

I fell down on the way to dinner Wednesday and had to walk the last block with no shoes. Germs is germs.

I grew up around chickens and horses. Skin is really good at germ protection. Just wash when you get back inside.
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Jerri Ann August 10, 2012 at 8:07 am

Yerp! What she said!
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Leila August 10, 2012 at 8:50 am

MWAH! Thanks 🙂


CrunchyMetroMom August 10, 2012 at 8:28 am

Being a complete n00b, I came in not really knowing WHAT to expect except that it would be some kind of crazy-ass weekend where I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off. And while some of the lines were long or the elevators were slow, I learned a crapton about how to improve my blog. I met some interesting brands and made some new connections. And I met some great people and had a lot of fun hanging with my besties. I’m still on the fence about Chicago, since it sounds like the set up may be a complete PITA (and I may be flying solo…which is a bit frightening), but I definitely had a great BH experience.
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Leila August 10, 2012 at 8:49 am

I like your attitude! 🙂 I think it’s great you didn’t know what to expect and kicked butt anyway! I think each year of BlogHer gets easier as you are able to prioritize your expectations. If you want a more intimate learning environment without the chaos the smaller conferences are better for that!


Laurie August 10, 2012 at 8:36 am

I was having a weird emotional night when I got to CAYA. I didn’t know you, but just standing around you by the photo booth, I picked up on your good energy, and it helped me. Made me smile, even.

I love this, and agree so much. Looking forward to seeing you at NonCon, where I trust there will be no whining. 🙂


Leila August 10, 2012 at 8:45 am

That right there means so much to me! Seriously. At the end of the day the things that matter are- my kids being happy/healthy, the laughs I’ve created, sometimes those bits of inspiration… and damaging my Dad’s calm. Cause that is just funny to me.

<3 I'm so glad you will be at NonCon! It will be rad being able to spend more time there 🙂


Stimey August 10, 2012 at 8:43 am

Best BlogHer post yet. I agree completely.
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Leila August 10, 2012 at 9:12 am

Thanks!!!! 😀


Jessica August 10, 2012 at 8:46 am

Yes yes yes yes yes. I heart this about a hundred times. It is what YOU make it, especially with an event that has everything.

And also, I came straight to NYC from my parents’ house in Texas. It was like a cool breeze being in the NYC stank. It SO could’ve been worse. 🙂

Sad I missed Sparklecorn and didn’t get to see your costume, though.
Jessica recently posted..Getting UnwoundMy Profile


Leila August 10, 2012 at 9:12 am

Thanks hon 🙂 And omg I lived in Texas before – NYC has nothing on that heat!!!

The Sparklecorn will return. I feel like I am making a freaking bad horror movie series!


Cindy August 10, 2012 at 8:47 am

I want to hang with you. Love that you love being a Ninja Jackass Sparkly Corn dresser upper. And Lets be honest those party poopers need to have more cocktails. Make it fun. Learn by the mistakes and Frickin move on. Im thinking of going to BLOGHER14 it in my town Chicago;-)

Party on!


Leila August 10, 2012 at 9:11 am

Find me next year in Chicago and we will run amok! (I’m also going to want suggestions on epic food!)

I’d gladly share my drink tickets to others if it helps them unwind and forget the bullshit! <3


Mindi August 10, 2012 at 8:55 am

Well put!!!! I have been thinking all of these things but wasn’t sure how to say it. I could not have said it any better. BlogHer is an experience to live, treasure, and enjoy. And if you don’t, then don’t return the following year. Personally I had a blast experience the good and the bad. maybe it’s just because I have been to many, many huge conferences for work. I got it. knew what to expect. Loved your costume at Sparklecorn!!


Leila August 10, 2012 at 9:09 am

Thanks so much!!! 🙂 I think it all boils down to expectations… I mean… I go in to these things knowing I’m not going to be able to do everything I want. That I am going to be exhausted. That parts are going to be annoying and I go from there.

Also? The sparklecorn will have to return in Chicago! hehe Hope to see you there!


Staci @ 7 on a Shoestring August 10, 2012 at 9:19 am

Love the way you brought it all together. And even better, I love that I was able to meet you and hang out if just for a little while. So sad I missed you in your Sparkly Corn outfit. Maybe next time.
Staci @ 7 on a Shoestring recently posted..Finding Contentment in The Odd Life of Timothy Green #TimothyGreenMy Profile


Leila August 10, 2012 at 9:25 am

Thanks Staci! Seriously glad to meet you and hang even if brief! We will have to make sure we cross paths for longer next time 🙂


Major Bedhead August 10, 2012 at 10:52 am

I LOVED your book – when you have more to sell, let me know because I will buy several copies. It was brilliant. Hanging with you, Annette and Annissa in the hallway was one of the highlights of the conference. Running into people I’ve only known online is always one of the best things about BlogHer. Having people squeal because they met ME? Freakin’ awesome. My real life is seriously lacking in squeeing over my mere existence. Dammit.

I mostly had a good time at the conference. Yeah, the food sucked, but there was a great deli across the street that had tasty sushi and sandwiches, so I didn’t starve. I expected it to be hot and crowded, so that didn’t bother me much and I don’t go in for swag – I was also brilliant and went to the Expo Hall during the Martha Stewart thing, so I avoided the crowds.

I would love to go to NonCon but I don’t think I can afford it. I’m definitely going to BlogHer next year, though. I haven’t decided if I’m just doing a party pass or a full pass yet, but I’m going.


Rosstwinmom August 10, 2012 at 11:05 am

Will you be ninja-kicking in some awesome at NonCon? I look forward to it.

Also, people who got an amazing opportunity and hated it? You’re doing it wrong.


suki August 10, 2012 at 1:44 pm

i would dress in a sparklecorn with you!
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Neil August 10, 2012 at 5:40 pm

My only real complain is that you seriously freaked me out in your sparkle corn costume.


Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom August 12, 2012 at 8:37 pm

I had a blast at BlogHer and the Aiming Low party was one of my favorite things about it. You guys threw one hell of a party and it was great to meet ya! See y’all next year! 😉 PS…stop by my blog, I have some pics up of the Aiming Low party and one of you!
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