The Sniff Test, My Freakishly Small Nostrils and Butt Bread

by Leila on April 26, 2011

I’ve always looked up to my Dad and unfortunately picked up a lot of weird habits of his. He is a truly amazing man who has shown me strength, humor, acceptance, insanity and humbleness. I swear I do mimic his humble nature! Anyway, one thing that I’ve noticed that I do is the good ole “sniff test” any time I pick up food or even drinks. Sniff. Ponder. Consume.

We have a problem with left overs and throwing away food so everything gets stored, reused and usually consumed before it goes bad. Sometimes… well… things are just beyond that window and you have two choices: Toss it or Test it.

Before deciding this you have to sniff the food.

Then grimace at it.

Sniff again.

Debate what your plans are for the rest of the day and weigh the options of warming something up that is potentially bad or making something else.

How much time will you save if it is still okay?

Will you end up staring at your feet all day while cursing your inability to sniff out bad food correctly from the porcelain throne?

Or will you survive to sniff another food another day?!

Today my Dad was over and made a sandwich. He opened my loaf of bread and I saw him sniff the bag.

Him: This bread smells weird. What is this.. Value White Bread? When did you get it?

Me: I got before camping. It is still good.

Him: (sniffs again) WHEW! It smells like armpit!

Me: (said softly) … maybe that is just you….

Him: (sniffs again but louder) YUCK! What is wrong with this bread? I don’t see mold. Is it supposed to smell bad?

Me: Yes, of course. Its butt bread. I got it at target I think. I took it camping. Maybe it absorbed the sweet smell of nature.

Him: (BIG HUGE SNIFF) Did you store it with your dirty socks???? …. Well, I’m just going to stop sniffing it and eat it.

After he made his sandwich and left the kitchen I smelled the bread… and yeah, it truly was butt bread. I won’t even try to eat that so I told him he can take it home.

It ended up in the trash.

The biggest flaw of this sniff test habit I find myself doing is that I have a freakishly small nose, tiny nostrils and crappy sinuses! My sniffer isn’t entirely accurate. Another wonderful gift from my Dad’s gene pool. I can totally relate to pugs.

Oh and… I never do the sniff test with food I am giving the kids. This is reserved for my Dad and I’s mutual stupidity. It’s awesome. I can’t even count the times when him and I have both chanced something and ended up occupying the bathrooms.

Thanks for that quirk, Dad.

About Leila DontSpeakWhinese

Leila, aka The Ninja, is the advocate for all things not whining. Parenting is fun when everyone stops b*tching! She is the Mom of a big blended family of four awesome kids. They ninja kick through life together. Oh and she is a total jackass.

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

redheadranting May 3, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Pretty sure this is my new favorite blog!

I learned about the sniff test from my father too. And that dates on food are only a suggestion. I have a leg of lamb in my freezer that my father gave me. My father died over five years ago. He gave it to me because there was no date on it and he though I would like to serve it for Easter when the inlaws came over.

I totally feed the old stuff to my kids. I never used to but after watching them pick dropped food off the floor (sitting there for longer than 10 seconds and we have animals in the house), eating and seeing that the suffered no ill effects it seemed stupid to throw anything out.

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Linda Medrano May 3, 2011 at 6:43 pm

Butt bread huh? Naw, I’d toss it. If I’m not pretty sure, I don’t eat it or give it to anybody else either. I won’t give something to my dogs if it is a little iffy!

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JunkDrawer May 3, 2011 at 8:37 pm

There is something in our pantry that smells like medicine. I can’t find it and it’s disturbing. My husband thinks I’m insane because he doesn’t smell a thing. But see, I have a super smeller like you. In fact, today I came into the office and smelled some funk coming out of the kitchen. It was orange peels from days ago. (They don’t empty trash but once a week, unless you put the trash can out in the hallway. Only then will they empty it on a non-trash day. Stupid!) ANYWAY, I smelled the peels, and had to put them in another bag and then walk down four flights of steps, out the building to the dumpster. My coworker said I was crazy, that she didn’t smell a thing. So now I’m known as the woman with the freak nostrils. People like us need to stick together.

Good to meet you! Found you over at Tribal. Welcome aboard!

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LindsayDianne May 26, 2011 at 5:35 pm

I smell most of my food…..
Kinda thought I was just a weirdo. Glad to hear there are others out there. 

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Marina June 21, 2011 at 6:36 pm

I don’t smell my food. I see food and consume as fast as I can swallow.
That would explain a lot actually ….

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