The Sniff Test, My Freakishly Small Nostrils and Butt Bread

by Leila on April 26, 2011

I’ve always looked up to my Dad and unfortunately picked up a lot of weird habits of his. He is a truly amazing man who has shown me strength, humor, acceptance, insanity and humbleness. I swear I do mimic his humble nature! Anyway, one thing that I’ve noticed that I do is the good ole “sniff test” any time I pick up food or even drinks. Sniff. Ponder. Consume.

We have a problem with left overs and throwing away food so everything gets stored, reused and usually consumed before it goes bad. Sometimes… well… things are just beyond that window and you have two choices: Toss it or Test it.

Before deciding this you have to sniff the food.

Then grimace at it.

Sniff again.

Debate what your plans are for the rest of the day and weigh the options of warming something up that is potentially bad or making something else.

How much time will you save if it is still okay?

Will you end up staring at your feet all day while cursing your inability to sniff out bad food correctly from the porcelain throne?

Or will you survive to sniff another food another day?!

Today my Dad was over and made a sandwich. He opened my loaf of bread and I saw him sniff the bag.

Him: This bread smells weird. What is this.. Value White Bread? When did you get it?

Me: I got before camping. It is still good.

Him: (sniffs again) WHEW! It smells like armpit!

Me: (said softly) … maybe that is just you….

Him: (sniffs again but louder) YUCK! What is wrong with this bread? I don’t see mold. Is it supposed to smell bad?

Me: Yes, of course. Its butt bread. I got it at target I think. I took it camping. Maybe it absorbed the sweet smell of nature.

Him: (BIG HUGE SNIFF) Did you store it with your dirty socks???? …. Well, I’m just going to stop sniffing it and eat it.

After he made his sandwich and left the kitchen I smelled the bread… and yeah, it truly was butt bread. I won’t even try to eat that so I told him he can take it home.

It ended up in the trash.

The biggest flaw of this sniff test habit I find myself doing is that I have a freakishly small nose, tiny nostrils and crappy sinuses! My sniffer isn’t entirely accurate. Another wonderful gift from my Dad’s gene pool. I can totally relate to pugs.

Oh and… I never do the sniff test with food I am giving the kids. This is reserved for my Dad and I’s mutual stupidity. It’s awesome. I can’t even count the times when him and I have both chanced something and ended up occupying the bathrooms.

Thanks for that quirk, Dad.

About Leila DontSpeakWhinese

Leila, aka The Ninja, is the advocate for all things not whining. Parenting is fun when everyone stops b*tching! She is the Mom of a big blended family of five awesome kids. They ninja kick through life together. Oh and she is a total jackass.