And Then Jenny the Bloggess Signed My Tongue

by Leila on April 30, 2012

First… What’s in a THING?!

When you have a “thing” it usually has some grand story. Some epic fucking background. Something substantial that people just the that it’s your thing.

Then sometimes your “thing” is just an actual jackass thing you do when taking pictures.

Me sticking my tongue out has become a thing. It makes me comfortable in pictures otherwise I feel like I am looking like Sloth from The Goonies. See, when you try to make a nice face and smile for the picture you tend to want to look your best.

That moment is forever there digitally or in print… and the worst ones will end up on the internet as a mocking meme if you aren’t careful.

What if your five chins are showing? What if your eyes are crooked? What if your face looks exceptionally huge because your eyes vanish when you smile? Well, all of those worries are pure crap. I’d rather make a face and purposely always look like an ass making a face… instead of the ass that is trying to look pretty but actually looks like an ass.

That was an overuse of the word ass.

So, yeah… my thing is that I stick my tongue out in pictures. My friend Sugar Jones affectionately named my tongue Morris. It’s been requested that I make “the scrunch face” in pictures. I’ve even been told that people didn’t recognize me without my tongue sticking out!

It could be worse… I could be known for my overuse of the word vagina, buying crappy taxidermy and making people worship metal chickens. Actually, if I was known for those things it would make my “thing” a lot better. But, Jenny Lawson who writes The Bloggess has that covered.

The Point: Since many of you probably clicked on this because I mentioned Jenny the Bloggess!

She is hilarious, talks about her issues openly and makes metal chickens a part of geek-blog popculture.

She is crude. Says the shit most people pretend they don’t even think about. She curses a lot. She is basically like every single one of my closest friends. It makes me sad a little that I only found her a year ago.

I liked Jenny’s writing before I went to see her read on her book tour Let’s Pretend This Never Happened. After hearing her read I realized I fucking adored her. She is the real deal of a bag of adorable nutso filled with insanity and a crapton of laughter. Her book? Ever better than her blog.

If you can sit through her reading and not want to piss yourself from laughter then get yourself sorted!

It was rad listening to Jenny read from her book. It was also great to catch up with friends who also happened to be at the event. Like usual, I chatted my ass off and was one of the last ones to leave. I’m not into having people sign things. I know there is great joy in that and having something dedicated to you by a writer you respect is something most dig. But, I lack something that makes me go ooOoOoOo over that. I did want to talk to Jenny or at the very least tell her I thought she made me pee myself a little on more than one occasion.

Okay really who fucking thinks of having someone sign your tongue? And what kind of person is stoked about this?

Jenny and I, apparently. When I asked her if she would sign it she excitedly said, “Of course!”

It was really hilarious at the time. What amused me more is when I started getting tweets, messages and emails from my ninjas and wookiees asking if it was MY tongue that Jenny signed at the LA reading. Yes, I am concerned that there might be one of her stalkers out there that want to cut my tongue off.

So hopefully this will deter them: No… I haven’t washed my tongue since…


About Leila DontSpeakWhinese

Leila, aka The Ninja, is the advocate for all things not whining. Parenting is fun when everyone stops b*tching! She is the Mom of a big blended family of five awesome kids. They ninja kick through life together. Oh and she is a total jackass.