Hump Day Haiku

Something is in the water or food around here. I swear I have more pregnant friends than non! So, I decided to dedicate this Hump Day Haiku to all my bursting with baby friends…

As I was writing these haiku it made me realize how much I forgot about pregnancy and child birth. It really is true that once the baby comes you just forget… or block it out… or are so scarred you never want to think about it again!

So let’s take a trip down memory lane in haiku form!

Don’t have kids? Well, consider these Hump Day Haiku as a little gift of information.

Good morning toilet…
and afternoon and evening…
it should be renamed!

Little pod growing.
Excited, anxious, tired.
Please stop kicking me.

The signs of labor…
Mucus plug… its like crotch snot.
Yes, I said crotch snot.

Push. Push. Ouch! This hurts!
Where is my perineum?
Never be the same.

Don’t push with your face!
My body ripping apart…
I just pooped myself.

Baby cries: I leak.
Can’t control breast milk letdown.
I’m my own sprinkler.

Breastfeeding is bliss.
Bonding, snuggles and draining.
Boobie vampires.

Before my baby
the trampoline was so fun…
Now I wear depends.

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Last week I was in San Francisco for UbiSoft’s Digital Day as an UbiChamps Ambassador! I was selected to fly out for this awesome event and learn more about why UbiSoft ninja kicks so much booty! I’m starting off my recap in Haiku form… cause… how else would I?! Many posts to follow about this amazing trip and the rad games I got to play.

 

Line at the airport
Really? What did you expect?!
Bitches, just be cool

In my opinion if you are traveling in an airport you should expect some kind of delays! The metal detectors were down so the lines were backed up… yeah, that sucks but I got to have some fun conversations with the pat ya down people and made the most out of it. The people complaining every thirty seconds could NOT ruin this morning for me!

Yay! San Francisco
Clever Girls and UbiSoft
Freaking Excited!!!!

I changed in the dark
No sleep, I was in a rush
Leggings are see-through!

As I was to board the plane I looked down and realized I was wearing my leggings that are slightly see through. Doh!

Serene views up here…
OoOoOo! What is that down there!? Ouch!
Double pane glass… doh!

I don’t know what I was thinking…. but for a moment I forgot that the airplane windows are double paned so I THWACKED my forehead when I was trying to get a better view of the lakes down below.

Yawn. Napped on the plane.
No, I don’t want some blue chips…
I drooled in my sleep.

San Fran here I am!
Theres so much to do and see!
Why does it smell weird?

Too much fun on BART
Yes, not THE bart. I got it.
I’m from So Cali!

Just like it’s THE 405 or THE 5 or THE 605… it should also be THE BART! Just sayin.

Ambassador for
UbiSoft Digital Day
Full of so much win!

I still can’t believe how incredible it was to be picked to go to San Francisco for this trip. See Dad!! My geekery is paying off! Now accept it and stop trying to cheat at video games.. you can’t beat me old man!

Played so many games.
Many laughs and great people
life is really rad.

I left San Francisco motivated, elated and lots of other “ated” words. Truly amazing which has inspired me to write more on gaming with families and all things geekery. Thanks again UbiSoft and Clever Girls. I won’t stop saying that and this is just the start of many posts to follow.

Happy Humpday Everyone!!

 

Disclaimer: I won a trip to San Francisco for UbiSofts Digital Day. My travel expenses were covered. I was not compensated for this post or epic haiku… all opinions are my own.

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This week’s Hump Day Haiku is a short and sweet. It’s an emotional one as it’s been an emotional week.

 

Last week was emotionally draining with my daughter making a huge mistake and me learning to not see everything as a reflection on me negatively. It was a learning process and one that made me evaluate how I parent and my responsibility in this. Ultimately, it turned into a positive thing where we both have learned a lot. Again, thank you all for being there for us and taking what you can from our crazy life.

 

My girl stole from me.

Kids make mistakes. I sure did.

We are stronger now.

 

Single parenting

can feel so very lonely.

Empowering too.

 

Life is not perfect.

It would be boring that way.

Live. Laugh. Ninja Kick.

 

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My Hump Day Haiku weekly write ups have been MIA over the summer but they will be back in full action now that life has calmed down a bit. My daughter has a laundry list of health issues and severe allergies. School was very difficult last year and this summer was all about reconnecting, figuring out what is going on with her body and having as many adventures as we could. Because of that I couldn’t predict what we were going to be up to or when she may have bad days.

I love writing Haiku. I love having twitter and Facebook haiku insult bashes with friends. Hump Day Haiku has become this thing I look forward to every week. I used to write a lot of poetry and Haiku was something I always toyed with… I love the traditional haiku in all it’s beauty… but I also like to think of myself as a wordsmith… molding something a little different and shiny. Yes, hilarious and shock value haiku is not even near what the original art form.  But, I sure as hell like it and I’m glad you all do as well.

I am launching Hump Day Haiku e-books. They will be available on Amazon Kindle and other e-book platforms next week. If you want to sign up for my newsletter I will be making announcement and offering free downloads in the future for these. They are priced very low and meant to be something funny to get you through the hump of the week and share a laugh.

Here are my Summer Hump Day Haiku! Enjoy, feel free to haiku comment or post a Hump Day Haiku and leave the link in the comments below!

About BlogHer:

Hungover. Tired.
Coffee, bacon, eggs… OH YEAH!
WTF!? Oatmeal!?
 

Who needs a man when
You have a wingbitch for life?!
Single Mom Date Night.
 

Lots of fun and food
Partied til my eyes fell out
Really need to poop
 

First BlogHer conference.
Learn, laugh, network, booty dance.
Feeling inspired.
 

Camping:
 

Arrive at 3am.
Tempting Creek by the campsite…
Glow in the dark jigs.
 

Big lovely redwoods.
So large and dreamy. Serene.
Need a man like that.
 

Summertime:
 

Great friends: drinks, laughs, pool.
These friends don’t require lube.
All our livers ache.
 

Sleeping in fort tents.
Pee snuggles. Breakfast at noon.
Summer shouldn‘t end.
 

Aquarium day.
My son liked the octopus.
Those aren’t penises!!!!
 

 
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Summer is here my wookies and ninjas! Last week we went on a last minute camping trip to Bishop with my cousins. Packing up and leaving in 24 hours is fucking crazy and what makes that even more crazy is when you have another camping trip scheduled the following week. That is how I roll though… completely random and crazy. I cannot pass up a chance to provide my kids with some kind of epic adventure. We had a great time and as you read this I am probably slightly hung over (hopefully) rocking wookie legs (for sho!) and enjoying beach camping with my rad friends and everyone’s kick ass kids.

So here is a lil Humpday Haiku for you while I am gone.

Sons first fishing trip
Wow! He caught the biggest ones!
Too bad they were carp

Have to pee outside
Find a big tree or bush. OOPS!
Peed on a lizard!

Wolves howled all night
made me think of twilight. Ugh.
hot bods and no shirts

It gets cold at night
My wookie legs keep me warm
Oh yeah that’s sexy!

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Haiku is a Japanese form of poetry with three lines. They follow the pattern of 5-7-5 syllables. They are not meant to rhyme but traditionally describe emotion through nature. I like to write silly haiku! (By the way since it’s a Japanese word the pluralization of haiku is still… haiku!)

My friend and I were going back and forth on Facebook insulting each other in haiku form. This became a crapton of fun. So now I use Haiku to recap my week, recollect my thoughts and giggle.

Enjoy!

Late night Twittering
Singing. Dancing. Silliness.
Makes me wanna Shoop.

Waxed Hairy Wookie!
That is a great subject right?!
Klout can suck my balls.

I love to blog but
why do I tweet so much? Huh?!
Oh yeah its like crack.

I’m half Japanese
Why does Weezer goddamn us?!
Hapas rule the world!

If you want to join in on the Humpday Haiku then please do! Comment below with your Haiku and if you want to link up your Humpday Haiku blog post then fill out the form below. If you are in twitter then look for #humpdayhaiku You can also grab my button on my Buttons and Linkys page if you want!

Let’s Humpday Haiku!!

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Since the kids and I aren’t as sick anymore I’ve been playing catchup. So here is a quickie Haiku mashup!

 

Wookies are awesome

But, they are not a Klout Topic

Wookie Fans for Life

 

My son lays with me

Cozy in my arms. It’s warm.

Ew. It’s peesnuggles

 

Random music tweets

Its fun to do sing-a-long

Dancing and tweeting

 

I don’t have much luck.

I’m also really frugal

Won a fucking tent!

 

My friend Trista is

a pain in the ass. That is

why I write Haiku

 

Summer is on its

way. Sunshine. Fun times. Beach. Swim.

Must wax wookie. Ouch.

 

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This week’s Hump Day Haiku is arriving a little late… why? Because we have been sick! Again. I thought it was Tuesday. Damn.

I entered the Secret Style Suit giveaway this week. They are giving away Style Sessions at BlogHer 2011 for 12 lucky winners. I’ve been following that giveaway for a couple weeks. At first I was going to create a funny post based around the idea that if they didn’t give me a style session I was going to wear something horrible, follow them around and say I was with them.

I decided I didn’t want a restraining order before my first Blog Conference!

The second Blog Conference on the other hand…

Anyway I ended up writing about how I have no fashion sense… and where that comes from. Here is the secret: I actually like following fashion trends I was just extremely jaded by Girl Wars when I was a kid. I will browse catalogs, etsy shops and websites dedicated to fashion. I love sewing because I love creating clothes, costumes and couture. It’s just fun. But, I also like being comfortable and while I would love to wear an amazing dress created by Gibbous Fashion but I would look like a complete jackass wearing it to a PTA meeting or shopping at Trader Joes.

However since I don’t care if I look like a jackass or not I would probably wear it anyway if I acquired one and if someone laughed at me I would threaten them with bodily harm!!!!

Which would again land me with a restraining order (sigh)

For some reason I was rambling about g-strings on Twitter this week. I was talking about how g-strings are basically ass floss and I don’t need my underwear to be in places I didn’t know I had places! That is where I came up with the new word for G-strings: Flass… its floss for your ass!

I know there is something wrong with me.

So here is this week’s Hump Day Haiku dedicated to Fashion… or lack thereof and flossin yo ass!

 

Sometimes I dress up
You Actually Look Nice!
My friends always say.

Tank Tops. Converse Shoes.
Band Shirts. Comfy pants. Make up??
Yeah, I can’t get dates.

Underwear lines are
fine when compared to g-strings.
Flass: Floss for your ass!

Wedgies I pick all
damn day. I can’t wear g-strings.
My butt will eat them.

If you like want to participate in Hump Day Haiku then please do! You can comment below with a haiku or blog it and link back to me! Feel free to grab my Hump Day Haiku button on my button page.

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The past week has been a busy one. I’m becoming mildly obsessed with iMovie and photo editing… mostly to mock my family.

That makes me the best person ever!

I used to photoshop pictures of my brother’s face into ridiculous pictures and post them all over the internet. I would tag him in them and of course he would remove those tags. Jerk. I would make them my main profile picture on Facebook and add all his friends instead. Everyone loved it. Speaking of which I haven’t done that in awhile!

I’m the best sister ever.

I decided to make it fair and Photoshop myself into it. Makes me think back to my early teen years. I pretty much looked just like that minus the bulge!

My family is full of a bunch of big kids who like to laugh. We have family parties and have epic nerf battles. We have wii parties. I’m very lucky. So last week I put up this video of my Dad playing Just Dance on the Wii.

I’m also the best daughter ever.

This weeks Humpday Haiku is all about… well, whatever the hell you want it to be about! Please join in, you can grab my Humpday Haiku button on my button page, drop me a link in the comments or comment haiku below!

Let’s do this.

On Family Love

I’m a great sister
I make my bro so happy!
Ha! That was all lies.

Picking on your sis
when you are kids is not good.
Internet payback

On Puking Sick Kids

Oh sweet son of mine
You puked all over Mommy
Then said “I love you”

Kids are germ magnets
Gnarly. Gross. Pukey. Boogers.
Lucky I love them

Yes, children are gifts.
They also damage my calm.
No gift receipt. Right?

 

So the lesson learned this week is simple. Don’t tease your little sister or one day she may have a blog with followers and she will continue to mock you all because you cheated at the game Alligator when we were kids.

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Here is a quickie Hump Day Haiku! Add your own in a comment or on your blog and link up!

I’m pretty sure that
My house will never be clean.
Damn all these hobbies.

I’m in a constant state of reorganizing and decluttering my home. I’ve been gone more than home the past month and its taking its toll on my home. I need a full month to get everything situated. It is ridiculous. I was an organized person before I had kids.

Girl Scout Leader is
Not a role I expected
I fucking love it.

I talk about this a lot but I really love Girl Scouts and I hope my daughter continues it. With my weird lifestyle and my back tattoos and extremely abrasive personality you wouldn’t think I’d be this uber Girl Scout leader… but I am. I’m accepted and embraced by the “veteran” leaders. Its a pretty awesome thing for us… even if I made fun of Girl Scouts in my younger years ;)

“Jealous ex Girlfriend”
That’s not how mad friends should act.
Bitches be crazy!

When things go wrong in the world of friendships you see a weird side of people. It can be something minor or major. I thought it was just a teenager thing but it can start in prek and carry over into our golden years. Listening to my 15 yr old niece talk about her friend drama really made me realize… crap, it just never ends does it!?

Every week I will pick a new Haiku topic. You can join in with my topic or haiku what inspires you!

This weeks topic is: Hobbies, Girl Scouts and Frenemies!

What to do:

* Snag my Hump Day Haiku button on the Linkys page.
* Post your own Hump Day Haiku to your blog!
* Link your Hump Day Haiku here
* Visit other blog links, comment and share the love!
* Or feel free to just comment a Haiku!

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