I’m pretty much a dude. I was raised by my Dad. I was a tomboy most of my life with phases of girliness. Most of my friends prior to becoming a Mom were always guys.
I used to skateboard, bmx bike, rollerblade, snowboard and break myself a lot. I was very competitive and loved sports. I’d shoot your face off in paintball or laser tag. I talked shit better than most of the guys I know. My guy friends from my teenage years are genuinely surprised when they see me now because I dress like a chick. Well, I should say… I don’t try to dress like a chick trying to cover up her looks by wearing baggy clothes like a dude.
One time I was skating with my buddies and I ate shit in front of this very nice elderly woman. She said, “Excuse me young man.. are you okay.” I didn’t even bother correcting her. My buddies thought it was hilarious. Fuckers. I really did look like a guy at times.
However, I know my genes have been good to me. I’ve actually resented it most of my life. Everyone told me when I was younger that I could be this amazing famous model. It was something that was constantly shoved down my throat. It was expected. Because of all that attention girls picked on me a LOT. I remember girls refusing to hang out with me in elementary school but I didn’t get why at the time.
I pretty much ninja kicked everyone. That could have contributed to my lack of popularity.
I never believed the saying, “They pick on you because they are jealous.”
It was true and I hated that.
I later in life befriended a girl that was my arch nemesis in grade school. We were rivals. She hated me. She always wanted to beat me. She made up rumors and would tell the guys horrible things about me. So I in turn hated her. It was a recess hate-fest! Oooooh the drama.
When I asked her why it was like that she very honestly said, “Because you were prettier than me and I hated you for it.”
That is still bizarre to me. Someone hating me simply because of my looks! Not my actions. Not who I am. But, what I look like.
And I have a serious mouth on me so I was sure I said something to piss her off!
I was in Junior High when I had that conversation. It changed me. I was so sick of being targeted for being “too pretty” to where girls would tear down every fucking flaw I had. I was sick of the change in my guy friends where we were homies and then they were trying to kiss me at PE.
I changed. I was the super tomboy. I wore jeans way too big. I mostly wore black. I was into a lot of music subcultures so I had piercings, super dark makeup and I put on this appearance of “Go fuck yourself.”
My social circle changed dramatically when I stopped trying to compete with the pretty girls and I was just me. I was one of the guys in my teen years. I liked being out of the pretty chick competition and my life never revolved around doing my hair and make up. I was made fun of for dressing like a complete jackass but that was okay since I was TRYING to dress like one!
Hell, I had friends of mine that did not see me in a dress or something nice unless we were at a wedding!
So here I am now. I’m a grown ass woman who should on occasion not wear a band t-shirt. Who can wear something other than a tank top, jeans and chucks. Oh and I guess I can one day wear colors other than red, black and grey. Maybe.
I have tried to dress girly more over the last couple of years than I have in my entire life. I own skirts, dresses and even shorts. I wear lipstick… sometimes. I actually do my hair. When I did my head-shots photo shoot with my friend Charla Blue it was a really awesome experience. I felt like a jackass when we were taking pictures (obviously based on the face I made below) but seeing the pictures afterwards I remember thinking, “Okay… maybe I don’t look like a little half asian boy anymore.” I liked it. That changed me. Truly. I want to embrace this non tomboyish side of me.
BTW… I know some of my tomboy and dude friends are going to read this and say, “Stop being a girl.” and to them I say bite me!
I’m entering this contest (completely last minute) for a Style Session for my first Blog Conference: BlogHer 2011 in San Diego. This is completely out of my comfort zone. I have no idea what a style session involves but I hope they feed me donuts. I swear if they make me wear pink there better be an open bar so my happy ass can be drunk. I truly want to give this a shot. I don’t expect to win but if I did there would be an insane amount of hilarious pictures to follow.
I just went back reading the outline of the contest and I do not see open bar mentioned while getting your style on however you do get to go to a party that night. Bonus. I’ll pack flasks just in case.
No matter if I win the contest or not this is a serious side of what has defined a big part of who I am. It’s molded me. I don’t talk about it a lot so above all it felt great to get off my chest. But I really do want to win a style session because that means I won’t have to curse and throw things in the hotel room because of my inability to get ready like a chick properly.